"Before He formed us in the womb, He knew us."

   

  
    In the winter of 1964 a young unmarried 18 year old girl found out she was pregnant.  Originally from the hills of Kentucky, this young girl came from a hard working but impoverished family on the east side of Indianapolis.  Her family life wasn't ideal and she had already given birth to her first child at barely 17 years old.  The man she had been sleeping with this time was a 44 year old married man who happened to be the landlord who owned the home where the girl lived with her parents, four siblings and her 1 year old son.  He had started pursuing her shortly after she had her first child.  Needless to say, being pregnant again was not good news.  The birth father was a prominent Jewish businessman in the area.  In addition to being her families’ landlord and owning multiple properties in her neighborhood, he also owned a used car lot where the girl’s dad would work whenever her dad was in between jobs.  Both of her parents struggled with alcoholism and it affected his ability to hold a job.  Her dad's ability to work at the car lot on occasion was critical to their families survival.  

    Now, this was in an era where child support laws were just about nonexistent and DNA testing to prove paternity hadn’t even been developed yet.  The girl didn’t want her parents to find out about this pregnancy and she was even more concerned about what her father would do if he found out who the baby's father was.  Fearful and not knowing where to turn, the young girl approached her landlord (The birth father) informing him that she was pregnant and letting him know that he was the only person she was sleeping with.  He immediately scheduled her for an appointment with a doctor he knew and paid all the fees up front.  The appointment was after “normal hours” and she was initially told that she was there for a simple checkup/physical and a pregnancy test.  This took place a full 8 years before Roe vs. Wade was decided.  Although abortion was not legal at that time, and not talked about, it still took place.  Most people in that era viewed abortion as unethical; however, it still happened due to the huge social stigma attached to having a child out of wedlock.  In her case, the social and financial repercussions of having a second child were almost overwhelming.     

    She was dropped off at the doctor’s office that evening by her landlord.  While at the office she had a long talk with the doctor.  During her conversation with the doctor, despite the fear and uncertainty she felt, she made the choice to walk out of the office and not have the “procedure”. She felt a strong tug on her heart to carry the child within her to full term despite knowing the implications of that decision.  I completely believe that God guided her decision that evening.  She went back home late that evening and concealed her pregnancy from her parents for the entire term by wearing loose clothing.  The child was eventually born in her bedroom in May of 1965.  Even after she delivered the 8lb 11 oz. baby boy-- she refused to tell her parents who the father was because of fear of the negative implications that revelation could have led to.  Her delivery was quick and the child was born within a few hours.  He was named “Kevin” by his birth mother.  Upon seeing the blood soaked sheets on her bed and hearing the crying of the unexpected arrival --her parent’s immediately called for an ambulance.  The girl and her new baby boy were taken to the local hospital.  At the hospital, the baby was quickly whisked away to be checked out and he then given up for adoption by the family. 

    “Kevin” was in the foster system for the first four months of his life.  His adoptive parents got custody of him from Marion County Child Welfare through their foster to adopt program.  His adoptive mother had previously had two miscarriages and she and her husband had unsuccessfully been trying to have a child for years.  The couple had previously applied to become adoptive parents and when they were notified that a four month old baby boy was available for adoption, she was overjoyed as she desperately wanted a child.  They got custody of the baby boy and they immediately named their new son “Brian”.  His adoption was eventually finalized at 18 months old.  Two years later; they adopted their second child--a little girl they named Andrea.   

    The baby boy in this story is me.  I was adopted into a home with a Christian mother and I knew I was adopted for as long as I can remember.  It was never a secret with my family.  Although growing up I dealt with some of the feelings of rejection that are common among adopted children, I never wondered whether my mom loved me.  She was always so joyful as a mom (and now a grandmother), and it showed.  She poured her life into motherhood.  My mom, Mary Anne Wignall, always raised me knowing that God had a purpose for my life and that he brought me into her family.  My maternal grandparents, Bob and Evelyn Logan, loved me as well and also instilled in me the truth that God loved me and had a plan for my life.  I grew up knowing from a young age that God’s hand was on my life and always believed he was their for me whenever I called.  Through different hardships growing up, (including my parents divorce and later my grandfather's passing), I always knew God was there for me and that he cared for me. 

    At age 38, I got to meet my birth mother for the first time.  Ever since I was a teenager I wanted to meet her some day and thank her for making the hard decision to not have me aborted.  I also wanted to share with her about my personal relationship with Jesus and about all the times that God had made himself known to me over the years.  I was able to share those things with her, and she shared with me that I had an older brother, Tony.  I always wanted a big brother growing up and I was excited to find out that I had one.  My half-brother Tony and I are still in contact and have become very good friends.  It’s surprising how similarly we process things.  He has also been on a journey of learning to follow Jesus and has also seen God’s fingerprint on his life in some pretty profound ways.

   
    At age 47,  I got to meet my biological father and paternal half-brother.  Although I met with him on three occasions and he contacted me by phone once, the relationship with my biological father hasn’t continued at his request.  Interestingly enough, my paternal uncle and paternal nephew had previously been customers at my retail store, Soundsational.  I had met both of them years earlier, although at that time none of us were aware of the biological relationship. 

    My life has taken some odd twists and turns, but I’m so glad that I had the opportunity to live, grow up and go on to have my own family.  I love being a father to 5 children, and I look forward to being a Grandfather in the future.  I’m so glad that my birth mother didn’t have the abortion that evening and went through the difficult decisions both to give birth to me and then to give me up to a family better prepared to raise me.  Most importantly though I'm thankful that I serve a heavenly father that loves us profoundly and has made his presence known to me since I was a small child. 

Psalm 139:16-19   "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.  Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

O Tidings Of Comfort And Joy.

    I just found out this morning that my lovely cousin Lori, died last night.  She leaves behind two beautiful daughters whom she loved dearly.  I have been praying ever since I was notified --that God would make his presence known to both of her girls and the rest of our family during this difficult time.   It has really caused me to think about those among us currently going through loss and how that hardship is often amplified by the festivities of the Christmas season.  Instead of a time of joy, often Christmas becomes a time when that loss becomes even more apparent.    

    It wasn’t but a few short years ago that I was going into the Christmas holiday facing my own personal loss.  I had just been hit with the reality of a pending divorce (after 25 years of marriage).  This combined with broken family relationships, the loss of our home, bankruptcy of our business, and the loss of any retirement savings we had, led to a feeling of hopelessness that seemed overwhelming.  I remember on Christmas that year, after dropping presents off for my kids, I just sat and wept in my car in stunned disbelief at the chaos that was going on in my life.   Things were falling apart all around me and I remember feeling completely powerless, broken and weak.  It was in that place however, that I cried out to God and He met me in my brokenness.  He heard my prayers and made his presence known to me in so many tangible ways.  Looking back on that period of my life, I’m aware of how gently God spoke to me through some of the people he placed in my life.  I remember how my heavenly father encouraged me and let me know that I wasn’t alone, regardless of how I felt at the time. 
   
    Over the last 3 years I’ve seen God bless me with my beautiful new wife, Heather, and her two awesome sons.  I’ve changed careers and am now working with some wonderful people as a realtor/broker with the F.C. Tucker Company.  I’ve seen my relationship with my kids grow stronger than it even was.  I’ve seen restoration in every area of my life and am so thankful that I serve a God that loves me and cares about those of us who are hurting.  For those of you facing hardship this Christmas season, just remember that God loves you and wants to be there for you if you call out to him.  He understands pain and loss and wants to meet you in that broken place and comfort you with his love and presence.  If you turn your heart towards your loving heavenly father--even if you don’t feel that comfort right now—it’s coming.  I want to leave everyone with a few verses about God’s love and comfort. 

Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” 

Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Psalm 27:13  "I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living." 

John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.”

John 16:33: "I have told you these things so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But be of good cheer. I have overcome the world."

Romans 8:37-39: "No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, neither angels nor principalities nor powers, neither things present nor things to come, neither height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

The "lie" of hopelessness and despair.

 

I recently got a late night phone call from an old high school friend that wanted to talk.  One of his friends from childhood had recently committed suicide and he was trying to make sense of it all.  We both wondered what kind of deep issue was his friend dealing with that made him feel so hopeless that he decided suicide was the best way to end the pain?  We were on the phone for quite a while that evening, with me doing a lot of listening.  The thought struck me as we were talking, how many people going through hardship get to that point of complete hopelessness and despair?  I know there have been a few times in the recent past where I was close to feeling hopeless.  Just a few short years ago my life had been torn down to the studs and I felt completely overwhelmed as everything around me seemed to be spiraling out of control.  It was in that place however that I cried out to God.  And God met me in my sorrow and hardship and made His presence tangibly known in so many little ways.  Seeing his fingerprint in my life in even small ways gave me hope.  Even in the hardest times I learned that God was good and even though I was powerless in my situation—he wasn’t.  Looking back on that time I  am so grateful for all the tremendous blessings in my life currently.  I feel like God has completely restored all the things I had lost.  I am thankful that I finally learned the secret that no matter what hardship I am facing, God loves me and holds me safely in the palm of his hands.  If you are going through hardship and trauma in your life right now and are feeling overwhelmed—just know that God is not unaware of your situation.  Whether you are going through divorce, the death of a spouse or child, loss of a job, a terminal cancer diagnosis, or any other hardship--God loves you and he hasn't forgotten your pain.  The scriptures say that "nothing can ever separate us from God's love".  Your heavenly father wants you to cry out to him and let HIM be your comforter. He wants you to lean on his strong shoulders and know that he has everything under control if you will just turn to him and trust him.  Below are a couple of scriptures that gave me hope in the hard times.

Psalm 27:13 “I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living.”


Romans 8:35-39 "Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”) No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.   And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.  No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord."
 

1 Peter 5:7 “Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.”

Grateful!

Sitting at vineyard (church) today with my beautiful wife and two stepsons while watching my oldest son lead worship. The thought occurred to me while I was worshipping--that our Heavenly Father is amazing!! How incredible is God that he can take our brokenness and pain and bring about such beauty and joy. I'm so grateful that I serve a God who's heart is "to comfort those who mourn and provide for those who grieve." Feeling very grateful.

Walking in Authenticity

What the world needs is authentic Christians that walk in a humble, transparent dependence on God. In the past i have had well intentioned Christians try to tell me that we need to only verbalize our victories and  not speak about our failures and pain.  I have been told that we need to "positively confess" what we want to see going on in our lives--and not the reality (if that reality is painful).  I understand the belief in positive confession but anyone reading the Psalms can see the struggles, doubts, sadness and questioning that David went through in walking out his relationship with God.  Yet, in the midst of hardship and grief he didn't pretend that everything was OK.  Instead he verbalized his trust in God despite his circumstances. How can those around us going through hardship feel like they can even relate to Christians (and subsequently Christianity) when every Christian they meet is working so hard to keep the mask on? Personally I've been through joyful times but I've also been through suffering and pain in life. Throughout everything though my loving Heavenly Father held me securely in the palm of his hand. We need more believers to be bold enough when facing hardship to say "my life is a mess, I'm broken and grieving--yet despite what I see, I chose to trust God knowing that he loves me and is faithful."  Being a Christian doesn't mean that we will never face trauma or pain. It simply means that we have hope in the fact that God loves us, He will never leave us, and He will bring blessing out of the adversity.  If we aren't transparent with our struggles--we will never be relatable to a lost and hurting world

A crown of beauty instead of ashes

Over the last 2 years I’ve experienced a lot of change in my life.  Much of it, I didn’t desire at the time.  When I was served with divorce papers after being married for 25 years—I initially felt like a 2,000 lb boulder just landed on my chest.  When the additional realization hit that I was also facing the failure of our family business (Havilah’s Boutique) and the loss of my home and financial security I felt like my life was over.  It felt like my best days were long behind me.  The combination of shock, sadness and rejection was overwhelming.  Yet, I made the conscious decision to trust in Gods’ goodness.  Although I didn’t understand the hardship around me—I did understand and believe that God loved me and held me safely in the palm of his hand.  Sometimes when it appears like you’ve lost everything—you discover that Christ is all you need.  Over the last 2 years I’ve seen God’s hand at work in my life in so many ways.  I’ve seen him faithfully working in my children’s lives as they’ve walked through this hard season as well.  I’ve seen my relationship with my children grow stronger than it’s ever been.  I’ve seen Gods provision in allowing me to purchase a new car (as my older car was breaking down) and move into a home even though my credit was damaged severely.  Last year I saw God bring a beautiful woman and her 2 sons into my life.  The more we got to know each other it became apparent we both seemed to be on the same frequency --as she had also learned to depend on God as she went through her own journey through loss and pain.  She (Heather) had also lost her spouse, although not through divorce but through a fatal traffic accident.  As many of you know, Heather and I got engaged a few weeks back.  I’m so excited to spend the rest of my life with this lovely woman and her amazing sons.  I dearly love them and I fully believe God has brought us together.  Now, instead of feeling my best days are behind me--instead I’m looking forward to the all the neat adventures that God has in store for us in the future.  If you are currently going through hardship and trauma—pour out your grief before God.  He loves you and wants to take the hardship and pain in your life and create something beautiful out of it.  In the book of Isaiah it says that it’s God’s desire to comfort those of us that mourn and to bestow on us a crown of beauty instead of ashes.  Im so grateful that I serve a God that hears our prayers, comforts us in our pain and dearly loves his children.     

 

Isaiah 61:1-3

 “The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor.  He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise     instead of a spirit of despair.  They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.”

Learning to look and listen.

With marriages it’s so important to communicate with your spouse.  Communication includes both speaking and listening.  Isn’t it interesting however that when it pertains to our relationship with God that communication is often 1 way.  We cry out to God when we are hurting or in need—but how often do we truly listen for his voice?  How often do we intently search to hear and see God communicating with us?  What if God desired to speak to us every day but we simply weren’t hearing him because we weren’t listening?  What if God was speaking to us through our dreams and our imagination yet we never realized it as we mistakenly assume that these things were all coming from within us.  What if he is conversing to us through the unusual coincidences in our lives—yet we analytically brush them off?  In 1 Kings 19:11-13, it states The Lord said (to Elijah), “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by. ‘Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake.  After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire.  And after the fire came a gentle whisper.   When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.  Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”  It’s interesting that God was not speaking to Elijah through a loud booming voice that came to him amidst the tornado, earthquake or the fire.  He instead spoke to the prophet through a gentle whisper.  This whisper was also referred to as a “still, small voice”.  It was such a slight whisper that it almost might not been noticed if Elijah wasn’t intently listening for Gods’ voice.  What if part of our mission as Christ followers is to scrutinize the scripture to learn about God and his character so that when we hear that gentle whisper from God we can identify it as coming from our beloved heavenly father?  What if another part of our mission is to learn how to see and hear God’s voice and prompting in our lives?  To learn to listen intently so that when he speaks we hear him.  Jesus said in John 10:27, that “My sheep listen to my voice, I know them and they follow me.”  Most of us need to start talking less and listening (and looking) more when communicating with God.  Jesus said his sheep listen to his voice.  Well, fellow sheep, we better start listening.        

 

Proverbs 25:2 - It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings.

John 10:1-5  “Very truly I tell you Pharisees, anyone who does not enter the sheep pen by the gate, but climbs in by some other way, is a thief and a robber. The one who enters by the gate is the shepherd of the sheep. The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger’s voice.”

Walking by faith

So many times when things get intense we have a tendency of blaming God. We blame him for our bad decision, we blame him when others are cruel to us, we even blame him for the simplest pains of life. Our fear of rejection and past wounded ness cause us to cry out in judgment and attempt to indict God's character based on our circumstances. But our heavenly father loves us. Regardless of how you "feel", he loves you dearly. Even if you don't believe he exists, he still loves you and earnestly desires for you to know him. Instead of blaming God in the future --when things appear to be falling apart, turn to him with your pain and your sorrow. Cast your cares on him because he cares for you.  Trust that God is good and trust in his character regardless of your external circumstances.  And remember our loving heavenly father has unique ability to take the hardest of life's circumstances and bring healing, hope and restoration.

Learning to trust.

There are a whole bunch of steps leading towards spiritual maturity. One of the first is learning to fully trust God with your life. Learning to trust him when things seem bleak and it seems like there's no hope on the horizon. Learning to trust in God's goodness and his love for us-- even though we don't see immediate evidence of that playing out in our lives. One of the next steps toward spiritual maturity,which is much harder, is learning to trust God with our children. Although it's hard when we go through personal trauma, it's exponentially harder when we see our children wounded and hurting.  God is still sovereign and he is still loving however.  He loves our children more than we ever could. He loves them dearly and holds them firmly in the palm of his hand.  Being able to dwell in the peace that comes with that realization is another sign of a maturing relationship with God

Another school tragedy.

22 kids were attacked and stabbed at a high school by a 16 year old student today. The problem behind this was not the knife--nor could it have been resolved by instituting a ban on knives. The problem is with the heart of our society. We've taken all mention of God out of our school systems and out of much of our culture. Many kids have to suffer through divorce in the family and are often abandoned emotionally by one or both of their parents. Alcohol and drugs saturate our nation offering an easy way for kids to medicate to avoid dealing with the pain of life. We now live in a culture where there are no moral absolutes and where kids have no boundaries to keep them safe. And despite these things we ignorantly wonder why these school attacks keep happening and what is wrong with the younger generation. Kids are desperately looking for meaning in life. We were created for a relationship with our loving Heavenly Father. Jesus taught that the  true meaning of life is to "love The Lord our God with all of our heart, mind, soul and strength and to also love our neighbor as ourself." When kids start learning this truth the anger and hopelessness that many of them feel will be replaced with the peace that comes with knowing their identity as beloved children of a loving Heavenly Father.  I'm in no way advocating teaching Christianity in the public school systems. The fact that even the acknowledgement of God has been slowly removed from our country is troubling though. So many people seek fulfillment and identity through wealth, fame, accomplishment, sex, relationships, etc. We were created for intimacy with God however.  Trying to find true fulfillment apart from that is a very frustrating, futile and empty endeavor.

 

"With the comfort we ourselves received from God."

A little over two years ago I went up for prayer after a New Years Eve service at my church (Indy Vineyard).  At the time I felt like my life was spiraling out of control.  My marriage was failing and not only was I dealing with a pending divorce that I desperately didn’t want—but I was also dealing with the financial trauma of a failing business (Havilah's Boutique).  It was hard for me to be hopeful in the midst of all of the pain. loss and rejection that I was feeling.   That evening--the pain was so overwhelming that I almost sprung out of my seat at the end of the service when my Pastor, Randy Gooder, asked anyone needing prayer to come forward.  When I went forward and told the 2 prayer team members about my pending divorce and why I wanted prayer, they were so comforting.  The prayer team members, a married couple, let me know that they had almost gotten divorced themselves a few years prior before God healed their marriage.  I wept as they prayed that God would give me peace and show me his presence.  Walking away from church that evening, I felt God’s hand on my life.  However, I also felt like I was heard, cared for and encouraged by the prayer team members.  It wasn’t long until I volunteered to be on my churches prayer ministry team myself.  Less than a year after I began volunteering as a prayer team member, I had a young woman come up front and ask for prayer about her own pending divorce.  Her husband had left her for another woman and she was feeling both scared and abandoned.  It was awesome to be able to share with her about God faithfully meeting me in that same place.  I and another prayer team member prayed that God would make himself known to her in the midst of her pain.  That God would give her the peace of knowing that He was holding her and her children safely in the palm of His hand.  I also reminded her that regardless of how she felt at present, her heavenly father loved her profoundly.  As we were praying for the young woman --I could tell that God was really touching her heart that day.  It was so reassuring to know that God can still use us in our own brokenness to touch others with his love and mercy.  Like it says in 2 Cor. 1:3-5, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.”

Valentine's Day post 2014

Happy Valentine’s Day to all my Facebook friends. I must admit that this is my most un-favorite holiday. This was one celebration that I always used to hate as a kid. I remember the anxiety as an elementary school kid worrying about whether I would receive any valentines from classmates. It was almost like the stress of being one of the last kids picked for the dodge ball team during gym class. In Junior High that feeling of dread was even worse as the school I attended sold carnations that you could have delivered to your "special valentine". I remember more than a few times being one of the guys in class that was "carnation-less" while other classmates walked around the school carrying large bouquets sent by their many ardent admirers. I always hated that feeling of being forgotten on Valentine’s Day. I hadn't felt that feeling for many years up until last Valentine’s Day. That was the first holiday after the finalization of my divorce and I again felt that pang of "alone-ness" that day. When I initially received my final divorce decree I was feeling pretty alone and rejected. After 25 years of marriage I never expected or desired to be single again. At that point, out of necessity, I had moved in with my mother, and that Valentine’s Day I was feeling every bit of a failure. My plans that evening were to simply hang out at my mom's house and watch TV. That afternoon however, I got an invitation from a family friend to join her for a dinner party at her house. She had invited a few of her friends from church over for a Valentines dinner and asked me to join them. It's amazing how much it impacted me that day just knowing that I wasn't forgotten about and somebody actually remembered me. One of the things that hit me as I was writing this post was the fact that not only does our heavenly father never forget us--but also the thought that he sent us all the ultimate valentine when Jesus was born. God sent his son so that we can have a heartfelt relationship with him. God knows you and your circumstances and it's his biggest heart’s desire for you to really understand his tremendous love for you. Whether you have experienced the death of a spouse or loved one, the death of a marriage (divorce) or are simply feeling alone--God wants to meet you in that wounded place and bring you comfort. When I was at the lowest point in my life--I called out for God's comfort and he met me in that place. He overwhelmed me with his love and affection. He showed me in so many ways that he was with me and that he cared. If you’re going through hard times right now and have stumbled across this post--it was not by accident. God wants you to know that he loves you deeply and desires to hear from you. He sees you when you are disheartened and his heart is heavy when you cry. God is aware of your circumstances and will work everything out for your best when you turn to him. Although things might seem dark and hopeless at present--your heavenly father desires to bring joy back into your life. When we turn to him he can "bring beauty from ashes" and redeem even the most painful trauma in our lives. Just remember that our heavenly father is someone who never forgets us on Valentine’s Day.

  1 John 3:16 "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters."

 1 Peter 5:7 "Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you."

 John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

 Isaiah 61 "The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor."

New Years Eve Facebook Post

Happy New Year's to all my Facebook friends. When I look back over all the transition I've gone through over the past year I'm so grateful for where I'm currently at. Last year on New Year's Eve it was hard for me to see any light at the end of the tunnel. Everything around me seemed dark and cold. when I tried to project myself into the future all I could see was more loss and pain. God was faithful to meet me in that place however. He showed himself so faithful to me and let me know in so many ways that he "saw me" and that he held me securely in his loving arms.  Now, a year later--as I look at where I'm at currently I'm so grateful. God has brought old friends back into my life and some wonderful new ones as well. He has started the restoration process in my life. I have a new home and I'm so excited about all the new adventures that God has for me in the future. I'm so glad that I serve a God that has compassion on his children when they're hurting and always hears their prayers. I'm also thankful that I go to a wonderful church with an awesome pastoral staff. Lastly I'm thankful for my family and that God has blessed me with an amazing mother, sister and some absolutely wonderful kids--all of whom I'm very proud of and love dearly. 

 

 

Psalms 23:4 "Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me."

Brian's thought for the day

Who do you choose to put your trust in when things are hard and when nothing seems to make sense? Who do you lean into when facing loss or hardship? When it seems like everything in your life has been uprooted their is still somebody that you can depend on. Your heavenly father loves you and wants you to rest in him even when the storms of life seem out of control. The more you seek him the more clearly you will be able to see his heart for you. The more you look to him--the more you will be able to be at peace even when circumstances seem overwhelming.  - Brian


"Come to me, all you were weary and heavy burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28–30

Being the hands and feet of Jesus.

    The other night I was watching the DVD collection of the old TV series “Highway to Heaven” starring Michael Landon.  I love that show!  The show (for those who haven’t seen it) was about an angel named Jonathan Smith (Landon) and his best friend/sidekick Mark Gordon.  In the show, Jonathan’s mission is to travel from town to town at God’s prompting doing good deeds and helping people in need.  As I was watching that show I couldn’t help but think, how neat would it be, to be an angel on a mission from God to help and show love to those around me?     

    So often we get so caught up in our own personal trauma that we stop noticing the hurting and the broken.  According to Jesus, one of the greatest commandments is to “love your neighbor as you love yourself”.  But what are some tangible ways that we can love our neighbor?  One of the things that God has been putting on my heart is the desire to help others and set an example of what this verse really means.  About 12 years ago God gave me an opportunity to learn how to walk this one out.  I was on the way to go shopping in Castleton after a hard days work when I noticed a young man standing beside his broken down car on the side of Allisonville rd.  He was standing outside of his car (an older Caprice I think?) and his car had apparently overheated as smoke was wafting out of the cars grill.  Upon noticing this, I pulled over behind him and I asked him if I could help.  He simply asked if I could drop him at the gas station up the road so that he could get some water to fill up his cars radiator.  I drove him to the gas station and when we arrived he told me he would walk back.  I then proceeded to go shopping-- feeling quite good about myself for doing my good deed for the day.  On the way back home (approximately 1 hour later) I noticed thick black smoke on the horizon as I drove towards that location on Allisonville road again.  As I drove up to where I had earlier met the young man--I noticed that his Caprice had caught fire and burned to the ground.  Standing near the burned out car was the owner and a couple of firemen who were finishing hosing the car down.  As I drove by the scene I felt a soft voice speaking to my heart and prompting me to stop and give this young man my cash deposit for the day.  You see, I own a small electronics store and although I hadn’t yet counted my deposit, I knew I had a decent sized sum with me that day.  As I drove by the location I thought of all the reasons why I shouldn’t give this money to this guy.  Maybe I didn’t hear God’s voice correctly?  I began to justify why I needed that money myself.  My business was still struggling through tremendous financial adversity and I had so many bills due.  My house payment was almost 30 days late and my car payment was also late.  Why would I give a large amount of money to someone I don’t even know?  So I drove past the man, ignoring the voice inside, and began headed home.  Before I was 15 minutes down the road, I again felt that voice in my heart softly speaking to me to help this guy.  It was so overwhelming that I had to pull over.  As I sat on the road side pondering what I should do, I called one of my close friends and told her the story.  I asked her a simple question, do you think that it was God speaking to me or was that idea just mine?  Knowing me as well as she did, she jokingly replied that if I was feeling the compulsion to give someone money --it was obviously God. (Lol)   So I got back on the road and headed back towards the burned out Caprice.  When I arrived, the owner of the car was standing alongside a fireman and filling out paperwork.  His eyes were red and swollen and he was obviously very disheartened.  As he noticed me walk up--he thanked me for earlier giving him a ride.  I told him that I was sorry when I saw what happened.  As I handed him an envelope containing my store deposit, I explained to him that God told me to give him the envelope.  As he opened it and in stunned silence looked at the cash inside-- I told him “God sees you and wants you to have this money to help get another car”.  As he began to thank me—I simply told him that it wasn’t my idea—but the creator of the universe wanted him to know that he was profoundly loved by his father in heaven.  I then turned and walked towards my own car as tears were welling up in his eyes.  As I drove back home that evening I was so thankful that God gave me an opportunity to be used to help someone.  I was also thankful that although it was my first inclination to ignore that soft voice in my heart—I was given another opportunity to go back and be obedient to what God called me to do. 
   
    What if we as Christians started being intentional in looking for ways to show Christ’s love to those around us?  What if we, like the angel from Highway to heaven, began to look at ourselves as being on a mission from God to love those around us? What if Christ-followers started doing good deeds for no other reason but to honor God by loving our neighbors?  What if we began praying that God would give us the eyes to see the many needs around us—and then simply tried to meet those needs?  When we noticed that single mom standing in line to buy groceries for her four small children—we paid her bill for her.  When we hear about the older woman whose heat was cut off—we paid her bill for her.  When we find out about the family who was about to lose their home in a tax sale —we pay off that debt anonymously.  Think about it, because changing the world for Christ begins by helping the person right next to you.       

 

1 John 4:7  Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.

"Preach the gospel always, If necessary use words." ~ Francis of Assisi

Precious Children in the Hands of a "Loving" God.

I remember being assigned to read the sermon Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God while in a composition class at Carmel Junior High School.  That sermon was written by theologian and preacher Jonathan Edwards in 1741.  The picture of God painted by this puritanical preacher was of an angry, spiteful and judgmental deity.  While reading this as a teenager, it definitely didn't inspire me to run into the arms of my beloved heavenly father.  Instead, this sermon caused me to want to hide from the one who loves me the most.  One paragraph in this sermon stated that "The God that holds you over the pit of hell, much as one holds a spider, or some loathsome insect, over the fire, abhors you, and is dreadfully provoked; his wrath towards you burns like fire; he looks upon you as worthy of nothing else, but to be cast into the fire; he is of purer eyes than to bear to have you in his sight; you are ten thousand times so abominable in his eyes as the most hateful venomous serpent is in ours."

    Although a classic piece of 1700's literature--Jonathan Edwards couldn't have been more wrong about the character of the God he proposed to speak about. 
    I think a lot of us have developed an opinion of God that to some extent is similar to the God that Jonathan Edwards spoke about. Life experiences have often soured us to the idea of having (or even wanting) a personal relationship with God.  We misinterpret hardship as God's displeasure and misinterpret loneliness or financial trauma as abandonment. A lot of these feelings are even more intense when going through trauma like a divorce.  Often the hurts and wounds that we have experienced in life color our ability to see God's true character and heart. Like trying to look at someone clearly through cataracts--what we wind up seeing is a hazy distortion of the reality. Jesus came so that we can know God fully and view him through clear lenses. God's heart for us is that he loves us like precious children. He knows all of our flaws and weaknesses yet loves us nevertheless.  He sent his beloved son, Jesus, so that we might understand his profound love and compassion for us.  It was our heavenly fathers biggest desire that through experiencing his love for us--we might be forever changed.  God wants our relationship with him to transform us into the people we were destined to be.  He wants us to live righteous lives--but that righteousness should flow out of our intimacy with God.  No matter how you are feeling right now or what you are going through--rest assured that you have a heavenly father that loves you. God knows what's going on in your life and yearns for you to call out to him in the hard times.  Even if you aren't quite sure how you feel about God or aren't even sure if you believe in him, it's ok. God believes in you, loves you deeply and earnestly desires for you to know him.  Below are a few verses that talk about who God is and how he feels about us.

1 John 4:9-11 In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

 

John 13:34-35 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another."

Zephaniah 3:17 The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.

Psalm 86:15 But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.

Lonely but never alone.

    Over the last eight months life has changed for me quite a bit. Even something as simple as "dating" has been a learning experience as the last "first date" I had was as a 17 year old. One thing I have learned about myself over the last eight months is that I really don't like being single.  I remember hearing a sermon in the past about the "gift" of singleness.  Now I know that some people are called to live a life of singleness serving Christ and I have tremendous respect for those men and women.  I however am not wired that way.  I remember thinking when I heard that sermon about the gift of singleness, that I would return that gift immediately upon receipt (lol).  That “gift” in my opinion would almost be like receiving the "gift of an IRS tax audit" or the "gift of a receding hairline."  Back then I never thought I would have to experience being single again.  Yet here I am, a single guy, at the age of 48.  Rather unexpectedly I lost my identity as a husband and a provider.   Due to that experience it has been a real process walking through some pretty large foundational changes in both my life and how I view myself.    
    An analogy I would use to illustrate the trauma of losing your spouse--would be to sustain a severe battlefield injury.  Being a Soldier I have had the opportunity to speak to veterans that have been severely injured in combat.  The trauma of divorce to me is like losing your right arm (to the shoulder) in combat.  After losing a limb, I have been told, that often you can still feel your fingers tingling even though your arm is gone.  That phenomenon is called "phantom limb pain" and it's medically documented.  Also people that lose limbs in combat, for quite awhile, forget that the limb is even gone.  It takes awhile before they stop subconsciously attempting to reach out and pick up something with the arm that is no longer there.  
    With divorce (or any loss of a spouse or a child) you may experience similar symptoms.  You might wake up in the morning forgetting that your life has changed.  Whereas you previously had someone to talk to when you got home from work--you now come home to overwhelming silence.  Whereas you previously had someone to sit beside at church--you now find yourself sitting alone.  You even find yourself attending Bible studies, movies or even going to restaurants by yourself.  Something as simple as shopping for groceries can even be painful.  While navigating the aisles near the floral display--that’s when it might hit you that you no longer have anyone to buy flowers for.  
    Regardless of what loss you are experiencing now, remember that although at times you might feel lonely--you are never alone because you have a heavenly father that loves you profoundly. Most importantly, God wants to meet you in that place of loneliness and longing.  Below are a few verses that had been encouraging to me as I walked through the trauma of divorce.

　
　

Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
　

Psalm 68:5-7, “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,
is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.”

Romans 8:35-39 “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: “For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

dropping the masks that we wear

   

Last week a woman had visited my retail store (Soundsational Car Audio) to purchase a stereo for her son’s car. While having her son’s car worked on--she started opening up with me about her life.  While talking, somehow we got onto the topic of Christianity (although I'm sure anybody that knows me wouldn't be surprised by that).  After talking for a while she told me that she had been a long time member of a large church in the area but that she had recently stopped attending. Although she had been a very active member of her women's bible study group for over 10 years, she confided in me that she just couldn't play the game any longer.  She said “if the women in my bible study knew how I really felt or how much of a mess my life was, they would be shocked."  I was saddened by the fact that this woman had been attending this bible study for years yet never felt comfortable opening up with anyone about what was going on in her life.  I then went on and assured her that if she knew what was really going on behind the scenes in many of those women's lives she would also be surprised.

      Why do we hide behind masks in the Church?  The Church should be the one place where it’s safe to be yourself.  Yet instead of being "real", we work hard to project an image of “having it all together” when many times we are simply broken people who have learned to hide our brokenness.  Often times we don't live "authentically" because we are afraid of being judged.  Honestly, around many church folk that's a very real concern.  My personal experience however has shown me that the people that react the most negatively to those of us who try to be transparent--are the people that are working the hardest at keeping their own masks in place.  The problem about hiding who we are inside is the fact that God already knows who we are. He created us and although he knows every flaw that we have--He still loves us dearly. God knows us and loves us profoundly.  He doesn’t want us hiding behind a façade  but instead wants us to take our pain, doubts, fears and weaknesses and lay those things down at his feet. It's God's desire that we would allow his love to transform us from the inside out--not that we simply become religious and look the part.  Change and growth can only occur when we are honest with ourselves.  Isn’t it interesting that the people that were truly honest about their own weakness and failure were the ones that Jesus was attracted to. One of my favorite Bible stories was in Luke 18:9-14, “To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable: “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’ “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’ “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”       

    The best way to stop wearing the mask is to start being authentic with who you are.  When "Christ followers" start being transparent about their pain and weakness while they are in the church, often times something amazing happens.  It gives those other believers around them permission to do the same.  When we start being authentic around non-believers it allows them to not only see that you don't have to be perfect to be a Christian--it also allows them to see the difference that God's presence makes in our lives as he walks us through the hard times.  I'll be intentional right now and I'll start by being transparent about myself.  My life is a mess.  I am broken, lonely and have very few answers.  But the God I serve loves to take broken lives and turn them into something beautiful.  I’m glad I have learned the secret of not hiding my weakness. I’m also grateful that I am part of a church that values being authentic and walking in transparency.  Remember, God does not require that you come to him perfect--He just asks you to come to him. 

Matthew 11:28 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

2 Cor. 12:19, “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

Looking at God through clear eyes.

    I had been contacted recently by friends that have been dealing with everything from the rejection of divorce or marital infidelity to loss of employment and home foreclosure.  I just want to encourage anyone going through hardship right now that your heavenly father is with you in your present situation and has good things planned for you in the future.  Even if you don’t “know” God, He knows you. He sees your adversity and earnestly desires for you to turn to him in your pain.  When we go through suffering sometimes it’s hard to see past the current trauma and understand that God has good things for us.  The reason behind this is often due to our heart believing lies about God that prevent us from accurately viewing his character.  God cares for you as his own dearly beloved child.  He is captivated with you and wants nothing but good things for you.  However we live in a fallen world among broken people (ourselves included) and sometimes pain and hardship is part of this journey.  
    A story that always troubled me in the Bible was the story of Job.  For those of you unfamiliar with Job, he was a very successful and righteous man who despite having almost everything in his life stripped away, still remained faithful to God.  He refused to blame God for his misfortune and refused to see God as anything other than a loving, righteous creator despite what was happening all around him.  I would always read that story and hope that I never had to face any of the hardship Job did.  You see, I didn’t always have a solid trust that God loved me.  I saw him as an angry but emotionally distant deity. And I firmly believed in my heart that God had much more important people to worry about than me.  In fact when things would get hard I not only failed to see God’s presence in my hardship—I would often believe that it was HE that was the cause of my pain.  The lies in my heart prevented me from clearly seeing the one who loved me more than anyone.  In the past if I would simply bounce a check at the bank--I would blame God for my NSF fees (lol). I have found while walking through some of the hardest things I have ever dealt with however, that God is always faithful and he is ever present with us especially in the painful times. He will never abandon you or turn his face away from you.  Remember, it’s God's intent to give you the desires of your heart.  But it’s his even bigger longing that you would understand his great love for you.  I have also found that although things might look dark at present—God has good things planned just around the corner.  One thing I never noticed before while reading the book of Job, was the ending of that story.  I always got stuck thinking about all the tragedy that Job went through.  In the ending of the story however is a short but powerful statement about Job that also applies to those of us "Christ followers" that are experiencing pain and loss in the present.  “The Lord blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the former part.” (Job 42:12). 

“As you know, we count as blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job’s perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.”  James 5:11