"Before He formed us in the womb, He knew us."

   

  
    In the winter of 1964 a young unmarried 18 year old girl found out she was pregnant.  Originally from the hills of Kentucky, this young girl came from a hard working but impoverished family on the east side of Indianapolis.  Her family life wasn't ideal and she had already given birth to her first child at barely 17 years old.  The man she had been sleeping with this time was a 44 year old married man who happened to be the landlord who owned the home where the girl lived with her parents, four siblings and her 1 year old son.  He had started pursuing her shortly after she had her first child.  Needless to say, being pregnant again was not good news.  The birth father was a prominent Jewish businessman in the area.  In addition to being her families’ landlord and owning multiple properties in her neighborhood, he also owned a used car lot where the girl’s dad would work whenever her dad was in between jobs.  Both of her parents struggled with alcoholism and it affected his ability to hold a job.  Her dad's ability to work at the car lot on occasion was critical to their families survival.  

    Now, this was in an era where child support laws were just about nonexistent and DNA testing to prove paternity hadn’t even been developed yet.  The girl didn’t want her parents to find out about this pregnancy and she was even more concerned about what her father would do if he found out who the baby's father was.  Fearful and not knowing where to turn, the young girl approached her landlord (The birth father) informing him that she was pregnant and letting him know that he was the only person she was sleeping with.  He immediately scheduled her for an appointment with a doctor he knew and paid all the fees up front.  The appointment was after “normal hours” and she was initially told that she was there for a simple checkup/physical and a pregnancy test.  This took place a full 8 years before Roe vs. Wade was decided.  Although abortion was not legal at that time, and not talked about, it still took place.  Most people in that era viewed abortion as unethical; however, it still happened due to the huge social stigma attached to having a child out of wedlock.  In her case, the social and financial repercussions of having a second child were almost overwhelming.     

    She was dropped off at the doctor’s office that evening by her landlord.  While at the office she had a long talk with the doctor.  During her conversation with the doctor, despite the fear and uncertainty she felt, she made the choice to walk out of the office and not have the “procedure”. She felt a strong tug on her heart to carry the child within her to full term despite knowing the implications of that decision.  I completely believe that God guided her decision that evening.  She went back home late that evening and concealed her pregnancy from her parents for the entire term by wearing loose clothing.  The child was eventually born in her bedroom in May of 1965.  Even after she delivered the 8lb 11 oz. baby boy-- she refused to tell her parents who the father was because of fear of the negative implications that revelation could have led to.  Her delivery was quick and the child was born within a few hours.  He was named “Kevin” by his birth mother.  Upon seeing the blood soaked sheets on her bed and hearing the crying of the unexpected arrival --her parent’s immediately called for an ambulance.  The girl and her new baby boy were taken to the local hospital.  At the hospital, the baby was quickly whisked away to be checked out and he then given up for adoption by the family. 

    “Kevin” was in the foster system for the first four months of his life.  His adoptive parents got custody of him from Marion County Child Welfare through their foster to adopt program.  His adoptive mother had previously had two miscarriages and she and her husband had unsuccessfully been trying to have a child for years.  The couple had previously applied to become adoptive parents and when they were notified that a four month old baby boy was available for adoption, she was overjoyed as she desperately wanted a child.  They got custody of the baby boy and they immediately named their new son “Brian”.  His adoption was eventually finalized at 18 months old.  Two years later; they adopted their second child--a little girl they named Andrea.   

    The baby boy in this story is me.  I was adopted into a home with a Christian mother and I knew I was adopted for as long as I can remember.  It was never a secret with my family.  Although growing up I dealt with some of the feelings of rejection that are common among adopted children, I never wondered whether my mom loved me.  She was always so joyful as a mom (and now a grandmother), and it showed.  She poured her life into motherhood.  My mom, Mary Anne Wignall, always raised me knowing that God had a purpose for my life and that he brought me into her family.  My maternal grandparents, Bob and Evelyn Logan, loved me as well and also instilled in me the truth that God loved me and had a plan for my life.  I grew up knowing from a young age that God’s hand was on my life and always believed he was their for me whenever I called.  Through different hardships growing up, (including my parents divorce and later my grandfather's passing), I always knew God was there for me and that he cared for me. 

    At age 38, I got to meet my birth mother for the first time.  Ever since I was a teenager I wanted to meet her some day and thank her for making the hard decision to not have me aborted.  I also wanted to share with her about my personal relationship with Jesus and about all the times that God had made himself known to me over the years.  I was able to share those things with her, and she shared with me that I had an older brother, Tony.  I always wanted a big brother growing up and I was excited to find out that I had one.  My half-brother Tony and I are still in contact and have become very good friends.  It’s surprising how similarly we process things.  He has also been on a journey of learning to follow Jesus and has also seen God’s fingerprint on his life in some pretty profound ways.

   
    At age 47,  I got to meet my biological father and paternal half-brother.  Although I met with him on three occasions and he contacted me by phone once, the relationship with my biological father hasn’t continued at his request.  Interestingly enough, my paternal uncle and paternal nephew had previously been customers at my retail store, Soundsational.  I had met both of them years earlier, although at that time none of us were aware of the biological relationship. 

    My life has taken some odd twists and turns, but I’m so glad that I had the opportunity to live, grow up and go on to have my own family.  I love being a father to 5 children, and I look forward to being a Grandfather in the future.  I’m so glad that my birth mother didn’t have the abortion that evening and went through the difficult decisions both to give birth to me and then to give me up to a family better prepared to raise me.  Most importantly though I'm thankful that I serve a heavenly father that loves us profoundly and has made his presence known to me since I was a small child. 

Psalm 139:16-19   "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.  Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

Living in the matrix

Just yesterday I watched one of my favorite science fiction movies--“Matrix”.  In that movie the main character, a software engineer Thomas (Neo) Anderson, receives a cryptic message on his computer instructing him to “follow the white rabbit”.  This contact begins a series of events which culminates in a meeting with an individual named Morpheus.  During his meeting with Morpheus, Neo is asked if he wants to know what the matrix is.  He is then told that “It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you to the truth”.  Morpheus then gives him two pills.  Neo is informed that if he takes the blue pill, he “will forget everything that transpired and go back to life as normal.  However, if he takes the red pill, “you stay in wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.”  After choosing to take the red pill, Neo finds out that there is a war that has been going on for thousands of years that he was completely unaware of.  He learns that his world is actually a wasteland devastated by an ancient war between humanity and machines.  The truth of that reality however had been concealed behind an elaborate façade created by malevolent cyber intelligence. 

    Have you ever felt like you might be living in a matrix?  That there is a reality behind the scenes that is far different than what you are currently experiencing?  I came to that realization myself just 18 months ago.  My “red pill” was going through the trauma of seeing the unwanted dissolution of my 25 year marriage combined with losing my home, my family’s business (Havilah’s Boutique) and my financial security.  Being in that place of desperation however often enables a person to see clearly what God is doing in and around them.  In my case that hardship caused me to fervently seek God in a way I never had before.  I discovered, just like Neo, there is a battle going on all around me that I had been unaware of.  We are in a battle that began long before we were born with an adversary much more sinister than the machines from the matrix.  This battle however is a spiritual one and our enemy and his forces are ever present whether we choose to acknowledge them or not.  I also became aware that my view of God’s desire to interact with me was flawed.  Our heavenly father isn’t satisfied only being involved with us on Sunday from 0930 to 1100 and he also isn’t a powerless deity content to sit on the sidelines.  If you are Christ follower going through hardship and what you are facing seems overwhelming, keep in mind that we serve a God, so powerful, that He created everything with just a spoken word.  We serve a God that isn’t bound by any law of science and can intervene in the natural world at will.  Our God can stop the rotation of the earth, part the seas, and even has dominion over life and death.  And that omniscient and omnipotent creator loves us profoundly and wants to partner with us in bringing his kingdom to earth.  We live in a magical world concealed behind a mask of normalcy to blind us from the truth.  To break out of it however all we need to do is know our true identity as princes and princesses in the kingdom, Know who our father is and have eyes to see what our father is doing.  So are you ready to take the red pill?

  

Ephesians 6:11-12  - “Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.”

Romans 8:38-39, " For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,  neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Psalm 91:1-16, He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler. You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day. 

The Beauty of Creation and The Atheist

I was speaking with a friend last week about an experience that I had years ago in the Army.  Although I eventually became an Army Airborne Infantryman—I initially enlisted as a Chaplain’s Assistant.   I assumed, when I first enlisted, that a “Chaplain’s Assistant” would be a similar job to being a pastor (which was the career path I wanted to pursue.)  In reality however, the job was more like being a church secretary that happened to carry a weapon. ;)  During my training as a Chaplain Assistant I met a guy named Thomas Booker.  Tom was an avowed atheist—which was very interesting being that the training we were going through was to become a Chaplain’s Assistant?  Tom was a few years older than I—probably late twenty’s and he was definitely an intellectual.  His passion was bird watching and he had initially gone to college to be an ornithologist.  During our 8 weeks of training I had multiple conversations with Tom on the reality of God’s existence and how God loves us.  As a young 19 year old however, I was somewhat intellectually outclassed by my atheist classmate.  When we would get together I would quote him from Josh McDowell, C.S. Lewis and other Christian academics.  He in turn would quote to me from Richard Dawkins writings and others who agreed with his paradigm.  It never went anywhere.  We were both simply two guys talking “at” each other using intellectual information that backed up our presuppositions.  Tom would talk to me about how science disproved God’s existence years ago and how we (mankind) were all simply “accidents” who evolved by chance.  At that time in my life I tried to reach Tom, intellectually, about the reality of God.  It wasn’t until years later that I realized that although having an intellectual foundation for my faith is important—God speaks to our “hearts” much more than he speaks to our minds.  One afternoon after graduation from our Army training and before we both shipped out, Tom asked me if I wanted to go out and look at some of the local birds and share a bottle of wine with him.  I have never been much for drinking and I normally would have said no to that request.  However, before I could decline the invitation, I strongly felt God softly speak to my heart and prompt me to join Tom for wine.  We wound up walking to some woods close to our barracks and sitting against a large tree and sharing some cheap wine while Tom educated me on some of the local birds we were seeing.  It was then, after hanging out for an hour or so in the woods that a vividly colored bird landed on the branch of a tree near us.  Tom saw my interest and started telling me everything about that beautiful bird.  What it ate, where it normally lived, how I could tell it was a male, etc, etc.  It was after listening to the passion he had speaking about this bird that I asked him a simple question.  "Tom, look at the beauty of that bird.  It’s perfectly designed wings that allow it to fly, the gorgeous coloration that is more beautiful than anything an artist could ever hope to create.  Do you really believe that something this beautiful could have just happened by chance?"  It was then that I noticed tears in the eyes of this “atheist” as he turned to me and simply smiled and said “you got me”.  We wound up finishing off that cheap bottle of wine and walking back to our barracks.  We didn’t talk on the way back as we simply were both taking in the beauty of God’s surroundings.  I never heard back from Tom again as we both shipped out to separate parts of the country the next morning.  I like to believe that he eventually asked Jesus into his heart and got to experience a personal relationship with the God that created all those beautiful birds that Tom loved so much.   

Psalm 19:1 “The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands”

 Romans 1:20 “For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.”