New Years Eve Facebook Post

Happy New Year's to all my Facebook friends. When I look back over all the transition I've gone through over the past year I'm so grateful for where I'm currently at. Last year on New Year's Eve it was hard for me to see any light at the end of the tunnel. Everything around me seemed dark and cold. when I tried to project myself into the future all I could see was more loss and pain. God was faithful to meet me in that place however. He showed himself so faithful to me and let me know in so many ways that he "saw me" and that he held me securely in his loving arms.  Now, a year later--as I look at where I'm at currently I'm so grateful. God has brought old friends back into my life and some wonderful new ones as well. He has started the restoration process in my life. I have a new home and I'm so excited about all the new adventures that God has for me in the future. I'm so glad that I serve a God that has compassion on his children when they're hurting and always hears their prayers. I'm also thankful that I go to a wonderful church with an awesome pastoral staff. Lastly I'm thankful for my family and that God has blessed me with an amazing mother, sister and some absolutely wonderful kids--all of whom I'm very proud of and love dearly. 

 

 

Psalms 23:4 "Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me."

The Walking Dead.

  One of the most popular shows on TV right now is the "walking dead".  For those of you who haven't seen it--it’s a show about people living in a post-apocalyptic world filled with cannibalistic zombies.  The zombies walk around looking a lot like the living however there is one important difference--they are dead inside.  No feelings, emotions, passion--just a stagnant parody of life.    

   So often we go through life almost like the walking dead, stumbling through the motions of life with the "appearance" of being alive--when in reality we are emotionally dead inside.  In fact, many Christians go through life like the "frozen chosen"--going to church out of obligation without ever realizing that God wants us to live from our hearts.  When I first became a Christian as a 16 year old kid, my relationship with God was exciting and fresh.  I was so zealous to share with my friends all the new things I was learning and experiencing as a "Christ follower".  However, like many of us, that freshness began to fade.  We experience the hardships of life and we slowly begin to shut our heart down.  Because of that, our relationship with God becomes more of an intellectual pursuit than a heartfelt relationship.  We start to learn more "about" God instead of spending time getting to actually know God.  Well the problem with that is that God speaks primarily to our "hearts", not our intellect. Trying to hear God's voice with our heads is almost like trying to smell flowers with our ears.  We expend a lot of effort with minimal results. Well, I went on like this for years.  My relationship with God became a lot more about following certain rules or believing certain doctrine then enjoying a heartfelt relationship with my heavenly father.  When I began to feel distant from God, I began to work harder, thinking I needed to gain God's favor.  I got heavily involved in church activities, in Bible studies, etc.--but I felt that God was distant, cold and ambivalent.  It got very tiring working so hard trying to "earn" God's affection--never realizing that what I was working so hard to attain was something I already possessed.   I lived like that for years until life circumstances caused me to cry out in desperation to the one that loved me the most.  Those of you that know me are aware that almost 2 years ago--I hit the wall hard.  I lost everything I had been depending on for my identity and worth.  My family was fractured and I saw my 25 year marriage disintegrate before my eyes.  I was left numb, broken and powerless to do anything about what was happening around me.  The loss of the family business we worked so hard to start (Havilah's Boutique) was compounded by the enormous financial loss that resulted from that stores closing and its subsequent bankruptcy.  I saw my family home (of 17 years) sold with all equity going to the bank.  Most of my possessions were sold and I was left feeling alone and abandoned.  Instead of being bitter about my hardship however-- I cried out to God in my pain and brokenness.  It was then my loving my heavenly father faithfully met me in my pain.  Amazingly, the God that I met was quite different than whom I expected.  I discovered a creator who loves me like a good father loves his beloved son.  I found out that being a Christian was never about learning a bunch of "thou shalt not's".  I also discovered that being a Christian is also not about simply holding on through the pains of life until you die and go to heaven.  God's desire for you is not simply to survive--but God wants your heart to be alive and joyful as well.  Jesus didn't pay the ultimate price for our sins simply so that God would tolerate you.  God loves you so much that he sent Jesus willingly so that you can experience a relationship with your heavenly father that would transform your life.  How would it change your perception if you allowed the reality of that to permeate into the depths of your heart?  God loves YOU!  He knows you by name.  He sees you and earnestly desires a deeper relationship with you than simply Sunday morning church attendance.  He loves you despite your brokenness and wants you to experience the relationship with him that Jesus sacrifice made possible.  God wants to walk with you through this adventure called life and wants you to be able to experience the peace of knowing that He loves you and will never leave you.  Your heavenly father wants you to feel the joy of knowing him so that you can be "truly" alive instead of simply stumbling through life like the walking dead.

 John 10:10,  "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly."

Psalm 27:13,  "I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living."

1 John 3:1,  "See how great a love the Father has bestowed upon us, that we should be called children of God; and such we are. For this reason the world does not know us, because it did not know Him."

Lonely but never alone.

    Over the last eight months life has changed for me quite a bit. Even something as simple as "dating" has been a learning experience as the last "first date" I had was as a 17 year old. One thing I have learned about myself over the last eight months is that I really don't like being single.  I remember hearing a sermon in the past about the "gift" of singleness.  Now I know that some people are called to live a life of singleness serving Christ and I have tremendous respect for those men and women.  I however am not wired that way.  I remember thinking when I heard that sermon about the gift of singleness, that I would return that gift immediately upon receipt (lol).  That “gift” in my opinion would almost be like receiving the "gift of an IRS tax audit" or the "gift of a receding hairline."  Back then I never thought I would have to experience being single again.  Yet here I am, a single guy, at the age of 48.  Rather unexpectedly I lost my identity as a husband and a provider.   Due to that experience it has been a real process walking through some pretty large foundational changes in both my life and how I view myself.    
    An analogy I would use to illustrate the trauma of losing your spouse--would be to sustain a severe battlefield injury.  Being a Soldier I have had the opportunity to speak to veterans that have been severely injured in combat.  The trauma of divorce to me is like losing your right arm (to the shoulder) in combat.  After losing a limb, I have been told, that often you can still feel your fingers tingling even though your arm is gone.  That phenomenon is called "phantom limb pain" and it's medically documented.  Also people that lose limbs in combat, for quite awhile, forget that the limb is even gone.  It takes awhile before they stop subconsciously attempting to reach out and pick up something with the arm that is no longer there.  
    With divorce (or any loss of a spouse or a child) you may experience similar symptoms.  You might wake up in the morning forgetting that your life has changed.  Whereas you previously had someone to talk to when you got home from work--you now come home to overwhelming silence.  Whereas you previously had someone to sit beside at church--you now find yourself sitting alone.  You even find yourself attending Bible studies, movies or even going to restaurants by yourself.  Something as simple as shopping for groceries can even be painful.  While navigating the aisles near the floral display--that’s when it might hit you that you no longer have anyone to buy flowers for.  
    Regardless of what loss you are experiencing now, remember that although at times you might feel lonely--you are never alone because you have a heavenly father that loves you profoundly. Most importantly, God wants to meet you in that place of loneliness and longing.  Below are a few verses that had been encouraging to me as I walked through the trauma of divorce.

　
　

Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
　

Psalm 68:5-7, “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,
is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.”

Romans 8:35-39 “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: “For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Being on fire for God - by Izzy Wignall

This one woman was frustrated that she wasn't on-fire for God like she used to be. She prayed and asked, "Jesus, why is the Scripture so boring right now? I used to love reading your Word. Why don't I desire to know You like I used to?"

Jesus replied through the Spirit, "Does a child whose diet consists of sugar and sweets desire good, healthy food?"

Media, entertainment, Netflix, movies, mai...nstream music, etc., are sugary-foods that can consume our spiritual diets. They're ok in small doses...but in large doses, they can kill off our excitement for pursuing Jesus.

Wondering why you don't have a passion for Jesus anymore? Maybe the 15 hours of exciting movies you're watching a week is killing off your spiritual hunger--the overload of cheap-thrills is preventing you from hearing Him.

Think the Word is boring? Maybe if you spent less time on Facebook and more time fellowshipping with Him through the Word, it would become energizing and life-giving again.

Think life is boring? Maybe if you stopped living 20 different lives through various video-game characters and MMO's, you'd see how exciting a life for Jesus really is.

Media is so mesmerizing. I can attest to that because it is one of my biggest struggles. I absolutely love film and video-games. I believe that filmmaking is an art form and watching/critiquing film is one one of my favorite hobbies.

In light of this, constant entertainment dulls me from hearing from the Holy Spirit. It makes the Bible boring and causes a pursuit for Christ strenuous and unexciting. Whenever I step back and stop watching movies and stop playing games, EVERY TIME, The Lord re-captures my heart with wonder. The Word comes to life, I can hear Him more clearly, and the "race" towards Christ becomes exhilarating again. It's almost like media can put you in a "trance." Once you break free from the spell, everything re-aligns in your spiritual life.

So, friends, my encouragement for you is to ask yourself this simple question:

How much sugar is in your diet?

‎#mythoughtstonight

Knowing the REAL "Superman".

 

    As a young boy I always wanted to be a super hero.  I grew up watching Batman and Superman on TV and because of that I've always had to be the first one at the theater to see the newest superhero movie whenever it was released.  As part of that tradition I had recently gone to see the new Superman movie, Man of Steel, at the local theater.  I remember while watching "Man of Steel" I thought, “How cool would it be to know that you were invulnerable?  To know that there was no obstacle that you couldn’t smash through, leap over or fly around.  Bullets have no effect on you and you could always be confident that your environment was always within your control.  Additionally, how awesome would it be for Clark Kent--slowly realizing that there is nothing for him to fear while simultaneously beginning to understand the full impact of his destiny.  I think that would be the definition of joy for me.  It’s the excitement of knowing who you are, realizing that you have a destiny and lastly knowing that everything around you is under control. 

    The other day I noticed that I was extremely joyful and wasn’t really sure why?  That has happened to me a few times as of late.  It was kind of interesting as nothing particularly awesome or exciting had happened?  I hadn’t been alerted that I won a million dollars on Hoosier lotto,  I’m still single, I hadn’t bought a new car, I hadn’t even had a particularly good sales day at  my job (Soundsational).  Yet here I was overwhelmed with confidence and excitement looking forward to the prospect of whatever new adventure I was going to encounter that day?  And then the thought hit me, this is what joy really is.  Joy isn’t dependent on circumstance.  Joy isn’t the same thing as happiness. I’m happy when good things are happening.  Joy however is different.   Joy, as a Christian, is the complete confidence of knowing that you are firmly planted in God’s hand and that He is watching out for you in all things.  As I lingered on that thought I almost felt like “Superman”.  I’m joyful because I know who I am, I know whose I am, and I am fully confident that I am safe and secure in the palm of God’s hand.  It’s almost like being bullet-proof.  I have no fear about the areas of my life that have unanswered questions—because I know that everything that I encounter is “God filtered” and my heavenly father is always working out any potential hardships or pitfalls in my life for my betterment.  

    A verse in the bible that I always loved (but never fully understood) was in Habakkuk 3:17-18.  I’ve quoted this verse on Facebook before when speaking about suffering.  In this verse the writer, Habakkuk, states, “Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.”  I have spoken before about how in that society, if your fig trees didn’t bud, you had no grapes, your olive crop failed AND you had no cows or sheep—you were in trouble.  In ancient Israel there was no welfare, unemployment or food stamps.  If all of your ability to earn an income was suddenly taken away—from a practical standpoint you were looking at the certainty of starvation and death.  Yet, the author follows up by saying “yet, I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.”  I never understood how the author could be rejoicing, or experiencing joy, in the midst of all that failure and devastation.  I could understand if he were simply “enduring” or “surviving”--but to actually “rejoice”?  That was something I had a hard time relating to, until recently.  Habakkuk was able to “rejoice” in God because he knew whole heartedly that God was his savior.  And he was able to rejoice and be at peace knowing that God would and does provide.  I’m starting to understand that concept and just beginning to walk it out. As I said earlier, as a child I always wanted to know what it would feel like to be a super hero.  At this point in my walk with God I feel like I’m beginning to understand now.   :)   

Psalm 5:11, “But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy.  Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you.”

Isaiah 54:17, "no weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and this is their vindication from me," declares the LORD."

        

God and the splinter

I remember vividly the first time my son Israel (Izzy) got a splinter as a small child.  He was playing on the wooden swing set in our back yard when he got a large painful looking splinter deeply embedded in the palm of his hand.  When he came in to show it to his mom and I, his lower lip was quivering and I could tell that he was scared.  When I told him that we needed to remove that splinter—I quickly saw his fear turn into abject terror. He didn’t understand at that time--that what seemed painful and traumatic to him was necessary in order to prevent infection or further problems.   As a parent I couldn’t leave that splinter in.  I knew once that splinter was removed, Izzy would feel much better and healing could take place.  My little son wept bitterly and fought against me as hard as he could as I dug for the splinter.  I remember as I forced his little hand open and tried to get ahold of a small section of that splinter the look of confusion on Izzy’s face as his "little boy heart" didn’t understand why his mom and I were causing him so much pain.  I don’t think he noticed at the time that I was also crying?  You see, as a small child, he couldn’t fathom how intensely his father loved him and that I would never do anything to intentionally hurt my beloved son.  Once the splinter was removed it took him quite a while to calm down.  Once he did however, he went back outside and started playing in the backyard again. 
    Isn’t that how our walk with God is sometimes?  We experience pain and hardship in life and our complete focus is to escape from our trauma not realizing that our loving heavenly father is an expert in using hardship to transform our hearts.  Often we even fight against God and wonder why he simply allows us to hurt not understanding that our Heavenly father often uses the normal hardships of life to help us become who he has called us to be (if we let him).  The other evening I experienced a feeling of overwhelming gratitude towards God for all of the changes in my life over the past few years.  It’s pretty amazing that less than a few short years ago—all I could think to do was frantically pray that God would rescue me from the pain and trauma that I was experiencing in my life.  When I didn’t see those prayers being answered the way I thought they should—often I became bitter or felt like God was abandoning me.  Because of my distorted image of God I could only see the tribulation in my life as evidence that things were spiraling out of control and God was either unaware on unconcerned about what was going on in my life.  I can honestly say at present that I’m so very grateful for everything I have experienced.  Over the last 18 months God has really softened my heart and changed the way I view life.  In every area of my life I now see God’s loving hand guiding me.  Although I’m still waiting for some lose ends to be tied up in my life, I am so excited for whatever new adventures that God has in store for me in the future.   I’m also enjoying the fact that I can trust God with the splinters in my own life knowing that "in all things he works for the good of those who love him". 
    If you are going through a painful situation now and you are a “Christ follower”, just know that God is lovingly speaking to you behind the scenes and saying “I know this time is hurtful but it’s necessary.  I haven’t abandoned you and I have so many wonderful things around the corner for you.  Just trust me as you are my precious son/daughter that I love.”  If you haven’t experienced a relationship with your heavenly father yet and would like to, the Bible says that “If you declare with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” (Romans 10:9).  Just cry out to him (God) because your heavenly father loves you zealously and intensely desires a relationship with you.  -Brian 

Jer. 29:11, For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Romans 8:28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” 

Hebrews 13:5, “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

 

RUNNING THE RACE SET BEFORE US

   Often times the person that we desire to be is far different than who we actually are (at least based on how we live our lives).   I recently had a woman, who had read one of my facebook posts, message me about how her marriage was crumbling. Her husband who had always been active in their church had abandoned her and her children and was living with another woman. He was also frequenting strip clubs and had become an alcoholic. She wrote me and said that she (along with her friends and family) were left bewildered as this man, they all “thought they knew” was living a life completely contrary to the beliefs that he had always espoused. Although not always as overt as this ladies story--many of us tend to compartmentalize our lives when it pertains to our relationship with God. We all have areas that we either keep away from God or refuse to see or confront in our own lives. 

   While at an Army Reserve Training Course over the last two weeks, I feel  God has given me some insight into this very topic. At this school that I attended, we had just completed 12 hours of training exercises and had gotten very little sleep the night prior. The next day after running around on another mock training mission--we got ready to go on a 7 mile tactical road march. Now in the Army you are generally carrying between 50 and 75 lbs of equipment in your rucksack (back pack) in addition to your uniform and rifle. The temperature that afternoon also added to the discomfort as it was an almost unbearably humid 92 degrees (97 degrees with the heat index). Within the first mile and a half of the march we had a few soldiers already falling behind the formation. As the march wore on, we came to a large hill;  my legs were burning, my lower back was aching and I was sweating so much that my uniform was completely saturated like I had just gotten out of a swimming pool. At this point my mind started giving me reasons to quit. First off, I was the oldest guy in this class at almost 48 years old.  I was already in the Army before most of these soldiers were even born! I was at least 20 years older than half of the students that I was in class with and my mind kept giving me reasons to quit (or at least to fall behind). Instead of allowing myself to justify quitting however, I focused on staying within the formation regardless of what the terrain looked like. I knew that the battle was in my mind and I refused to quit on myself. You see our bodies are capable of accomplishing much more than our minds can conceive. 

    I thought as I finished the road march that day--how many of us do the same thing in our spiritual walk?  We justify habits and behaviors in our lives that don’t line up with what we say we believe and we let our mind tell our spirit that it's human nature.  We refuse to look at these areas that are not in synch with who God made us to be.  We get comfortable in our own sin and disobedience by using various excuses.  Those excuses include,  "Everybody is doing it", or "My sin was someone elses fault."  Instead of making the painful choice to "Take up our cross and follow Christ daily"--we hide those areas that don't line up with what we say we believe, or worse yet, we twist scripture in an attempt to vindicate our disobedience.  It's not that Christianity is about a bunch of rules and restrictions, our Heavenly Father wants the best for us. Just like I establish boundaries for my children so that they might grow up to have successful, joyful lives--God wants the same for us.  Often we only give God a small percentage of our heart when what he desires is all of it.  How would you feel in a marriage relationship if your spouse only gave you a percentage of their heart? Or a percentage of their devotion? Jesus said the greatest commandment was to love the Lord with "ALL your heart, soul, strength, and mind". I have purposed in my life to serve Jesus “whole heartedly“. No area in my heart is off limits to God because you see, our “spirit” is also able to accomplish much more than our minds can conceive. With all my heart I want to put aside all excuses and pursue God’s heart with everything in me.  I want people to look at me and see that in every way my actions line up with who I state that I am. I want the man I desire to be and who I actually am to be in synch as I walk out who God created me to be

　

Hebrews 12:1-2 “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

Live long and prosper!

Warning, Nerd Alert!!!  I loved watching Star Trek as a kid.  Every episode started with the Enterprise crew encountering a very traumatic event.  The crew was always facing intense drama--whether it was the Star Ship Enterprise being attacked by an alien race intent on the destruction of mankind, a plague that caused everyone on board to age rapidly or Captain Kirk being transported to an alien planet where he was forced into a “battle to the death” with a crocodilian creature called “Gorn.” The crew of the Enterprise always had some pretty major hardships to overcome and every week I watched that show, captivated to find out how they would deal with the latest hardship and how things would resolve themselves.  And things always did resolve before the end of that episode. 

    I used to always wish life worked out that way.  No fear or panic just the anticipation that everything is under control and things will eventually work themselves out.  In my personal life however, I would panic when things would get really hard.  I would often times feel like life was spiraling out of control and God was nowhere to be found.  My fear of abandonment would always project itself onto my perception of both God and my circumstances and I would feel anxiety and panic.  That fear would push me into trying to “pray harder” somehow feeling like I had to work to get God’s attention.  When I would eventually calm down and start to seek God in faith, He would give me peace.  Yet inevitably when that latest crisis would resolve itself—I would put God back on the shelf and continue with business as usual.  That was, until a little more than a year ago when everything was collapsing in my life with no resolution in sight.  All the things I depended on and looked to for strength and identity seemed to completely disappear.  And I was left standing with no one and nothing --except for my loving heavenly Father.  Like a man caught in the darkest of nights looking intently for a light in the distance-- I searched for God amidst the rubble all around me.  Something different happened this time around however as I finally began to understand that God had always been with me.  He never left me (even when I left him).  Like the writer of a Star Trek script, he was always there in advance figuring out how to resolve my life traumas in my best interest.  When I finally started understanding that fact it has revolutionized the way I view life.  Now when I’m facing hardships in my life I have the assurance that “the one that loves me the most” is working out all things for my good in Christ Jesus.  Now I have the assurance that just like a Star Trek episode, the “screen writer of my life” has already planned a victorious ending to my latest trials. 
    If you are currently facing hardship or loss, I encourage you to take your pain and hurt to your heavenly Father.  He loves you and wants to use the hardships you are facing to draw you into a closer relationship with him.  He is also the one that you can call on for help when no one else can help you.  Whatever your situation is, don’t lose hope because your creator longs to intervene in your life and show you his affection.  God’s passion for us was at the core of the message that Jesus taught.  God loves you and has created you with a plan and purpose.  God sent his son, Jesus so that we can live in a right relationship with the creator of the universe.  Not as servants, but as dearly beloved children.  So that we can truly “live long and prosper”. ;)      

1 Peter 5:8-10 “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.  To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.”

Romans 8:28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” 

WHERE MY HEART IS [NOW]

    While I was getting ready for work a few weeks ago, I started thinking about where my heart is now. I feel like over the last year, God has awakened my previously cold/hard heart and I am experiencing a level of intimacy with God that I had never before experienced.
 For the first time in my adult life I feel like my heart is in a very good place. I’m not shut down any longer and I’m very glad where I’m at with my relationship with God. I started thinking to myself as I got ready for work that morning, “If by dating someone or eventually getting remarried it would in any way dilute what God is doing in my heart right now—would it be worth it?” My conclusion was; “No!” I told God that morning as I stood in front of my bathroom mirror that I would be willing to stay single for the rest of my life if that’s what it took to keep my relationship with Him strong. 
For me to say that (AND believe it) was HUGE! I was always the guy in High School that had to be in a relationship to feel good about myself. When I was single, I would always feel alone and lonely. I would feel like a: “less than.” It was only while in a relationship that I would see myself as complete. I always remember (as a teenager) fearing I would be single and lonely the rest of my life. I got married very young and always found myself mistakenly looking to my spouse for fulfillment much more than I ever looked to God.
 Over the last year though, I have seen my heart change dramatically. And now here I found myself offering that place in my heart that cries out for intimacy to God. I almost felt like Abraham must have felt when he voluntarily offered his precious son, Isaac, not fully certain of the outcome. Abraham was certain however of God’s faithfulness. In my bathroom that morning—while pondering what I was saying, I was also certain that I could trust God and I also knew in the deepest part of my heart that God loves me. This was pretty revolutionary thinking for me. Regardless of what happens in the future, my heart’s intention is to never lose track of my 'First Love’.

Psalm 13:5 " But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation."