New Years Eve Facebook Post

Happy New Year's to all my Facebook friends. When I look back over all the transition I've gone through over the past year I'm so grateful for where I'm currently at. Last year on New Year's Eve it was hard for me to see any light at the end of the tunnel. Everything around me seemed dark and cold. when I tried to project myself into the future all I could see was more loss and pain. God was faithful to meet me in that place however. He showed himself so faithful to me and let me know in so many ways that he "saw me" and that he held me securely in his loving arms.  Now, a year later--as I look at where I'm at currently I'm so grateful. God has brought old friends back into my life and some wonderful new ones as well. He has started the restoration process in my life. I have a new home and I'm so excited about all the new adventures that God has for me in the future. I'm so glad that I serve a God that has compassion on his children when they're hurting and always hears their prayers. I'm also thankful that I go to a wonderful church with an awesome pastoral staff. Lastly I'm thankful for my family and that God has blessed me with an amazing mother, sister and some absolutely wonderful kids--all of whom I'm very proud of and love dearly. 

 

 

Psalms 23:4 "Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me."

God and the splinter

I remember vividly the first time my son Israel (Izzy) got a splinter as a small child.  He was playing on the wooden swing set in our back yard when he got a large painful looking splinter deeply embedded in the palm of his hand.  When he came in to show it to his mom and I, his lower lip was quivering and I could tell that he was scared.  When I told him that we needed to remove that splinter—I quickly saw his fear turn into abject terror. He didn’t understand at that time--that what seemed painful and traumatic to him was necessary in order to prevent infection or further problems.   As a parent I couldn’t leave that splinter in.  I knew once that splinter was removed, Izzy would feel much better and healing could take place.  My little son wept bitterly and fought against me as hard as he could as I dug for the splinter.  I remember as I forced his little hand open and tried to get ahold of a small section of that splinter the look of confusion on Izzy’s face as his "little boy heart" didn’t understand why his mom and I were causing him so much pain.  I don’t think he noticed at the time that I was also crying?  You see, as a small child, he couldn’t fathom how intensely his father loved him and that I would never do anything to intentionally hurt my beloved son.  Once the splinter was removed it took him quite a while to calm down.  Once he did however, he went back outside and started playing in the backyard again. 
    Isn’t that how our walk with God is sometimes?  We experience pain and hardship in life and our complete focus is to escape from our trauma not realizing that our loving heavenly father is an expert in using hardship to transform our hearts.  Often we even fight against God and wonder why he simply allows us to hurt not understanding that our Heavenly father often uses the normal hardships of life to help us become who he has called us to be (if we let him).  The other evening I experienced a feeling of overwhelming gratitude towards God for all of the changes in my life over the past few years.  It’s pretty amazing that less than a few short years ago—all I could think to do was frantically pray that God would rescue me from the pain and trauma that I was experiencing in my life.  When I didn’t see those prayers being answered the way I thought they should—often I became bitter or felt like God was abandoning me.  Because of my distorted image of God I could only see the tribulation in my life as evidence that things were spiraling out of control and God was either unaware on unconcerned about what was going on in my life.  I can honestly say at present that I’m so very grateful for everything I have experienced.  Over the last 18 months God has really softened my heart and changed the way I view life.  In every area of my life I now see God’s loving hand guiding me.  Although I’m still waiting for some lose ends to be tied up in my life, I am so excited for whatever new adventures that God has in store for me in the future.   I’m also enjoying the fact that I can trust God with the splinters in my own life knowing that "in all things he works for the good of those who love him". 
    If you are going through a painful situation now and you are a “Christ follower”, just know that God is lovingly speaking to you behind the scenes and saying “I know this time is hurtful but it’s necessary.  I haven’t abandoned you and I have so many wonderful things around the corner for you.  Just trust me as you are my precious son/daughter that I love.”  If you haven’t experienced a relationship with your heavenly father yet and would like to, the Bible says that “If you declare with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” (Romans 10:9).  Just cry out to him (God) because your heavenly father loves you zealously and intensely desires a relationship with you.  -Brian 

Jer. 29:11, For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Romans 8:28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” 

Hebrews 13:5, “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

 

RUNNING THE RACE SET BEFORE US

   Often times the person that we desire to be is far different than who we actually are (at least based on how we live our lives).   I recently had a woman, who had read one of my facebook posts, message me about how her marriage was crumbling. Her husband who had always been active in their church had abandoned her and her children and was living with another woman. He was also frequenting strip clubs and had become an alcoholic. She wrote me and said that she (along with her friends and family) were left bewildered as this man, they all “thought they knew” was living a life completely contrary to the beliefs that he had always espoused. Although not always as overt as this ladies story--many of us tend to compartmentalize our lives when it pertains to our relationship with God. We all have areas that we either keep away from God or refuse to see or confront in our own lives. 

   While at an Army Reserve Training Course over the last two weeks, I feel  God has given me some insight into this very topic. At this school that I attended, we had just completed 12 hours of training exercises and had gotten very little sleep the night prior. The next day after running around on another mock training mission--we got ready to go on a 7 mile tactical road march. Now in the Army you are generally carrying between 50 and 75 lbs of equipment in your rucksack (back pack) in addition to your uniform and rifle. The temperature that afternoon also added to the discomfort as it was an almost unbearably humid 92 degrees (97 degrees with the heat index). Within the first mile and a half of the march we had a few soldiers already falling behind the formation. As the march wore on, we came to a large hill;  my legs were burning, my lower back was aching and I was sweating so much that my uniform was completely saturated like I had just gotten out of a swimming pool. At this point my mind started giving me reasons to quit. First off, I was the oldest guy in this class at almost 48 years old.  I was already in the Army before most of these soldiers were even born! I was at least 20 years older than half of the students that I was in class with and my mind kept giving me reasons to quit (or at least to fall behind). Instead of allowing myself to justify quitting however, I focused on staying within the formation regardless of what the terrain looked like. I knew that the battle was in my mind and I refused to quit on myself. You see our bodies are capable of accomplishing much more than our minds can conceive. 

    I thought as I finished the road march that day--how many of us do the same thing in our spiritual walk?  We justify habits and behaviors in our lives that don’t line up with what we say we believe and we let our mind tell our spirit that it's human nature.  We refuse to look at these areas that are not in synch with who God made us to be.  We get comfortable in our own sin and disobedience by using various excuses.  Those excuses include,  "Everybody is doing it", or "My sin was someone elses fault."  Instead of making the painful choice to "Take up our cross and follow Christ daily"--we hide those areas that don't line up with what we say we believe, or worse yet, we twist scripture in an attempt to vindicate our disobedience.  It's not that Christianity is about a bunch of rules and restrictions, our Heavenly Father wants the best for us. Just like I establish boundaries for my children so that they might grow up to have successful, joyful lives--God wants the same for us.  Often we only give God a small percentage of our heart when what he desires is all of it.  How would you feel in a marriage relationship if your spouse only gave you a percentage of their heart? Or a percentage of their devotion? Jesus said the greatest commandment was to love the Lord with "ALL your heart, soul, strength, and mind". I have purposed in my life to serve Jesus “whole heartedly“. No area in my heart is off limits to God because you see, our “spirit” is also able to accomplish much more than our minds can conceive. With all my heart I want to put aside all excuses and pursue God’s heart with everything in me.  I want people to look at me and see that in every way my actions line up with who I state that I am. I want the man I desire to be and who I actually am to be in synch as I walk out who God created me to be

　

Hebrews 12:1-2 “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

Broken People for His Purposes

 Over the last few years I have been really encouraged as I've seen substantial growth in my walk with Jesus. Even though I have gone through some pretty tremendous trauma I have been excited about the fruit that it has borne in my life and was beginning to feel like in some sense I had almost “arrived” spiritually (whatever that means?) That was until this weekend. It became very clear to me that I have yet another “glaring” blind spot in my walk with Jesus that I never noticed or chose to acknowledge. It’s always easy to feel good about ourselves when our measuring stick of “righteousness” is either ourselves in the past or others around us. Lately I had been contrasting where I am at currently with where I was at just a few years ago—and was feeling pretty contented. But along came this weekend. 

   While on a long road trip this past Saturday, God showed me my “righteousness” compared to His son’ and it became readily apparent to me that although I had started to feel like I was well down the path on my journey toward being “Christ-like”-- in reality I had barely left the starting line. Initially I felt overwhelming sadness and self-condemnation at how far I am from being who I desire to be (and whom I desire to follow). Here I am again—brutally made aware of my own weakness and lack. I’m a middle aged man that had wasted so many years unaware of how shut down I was. Here I am, again seeing more issues in my own heart that I had previously refused to look at. While pondering these revelations, I was reminded of a certain Passover (Pesach) tradition. Coming from a Jewish ancestry this holiday was always special for me as a teenager. This was also obviously an important holiday for Jesus as well, as He was celebrating Passover with his friends (the disciples) the night before his crucifixion. In fact, the “Last Supper” was actually a Passover “Seder” where we celebrate the release of the Hebrew nation from their captivity in Egypt. In the same way that the Hebrews ate unleavened bread (Matza) in their haste to leave Egypt—so modern observant Jewish families avoid leaven (yeast) during the Passover holiday. There is a certain part of Passover preparation called the “Bedikat Chametz” that came to my mind. After disposing of all leavened bread, rolls, buns, etc. in the household—the Bedikat Chametz is the ceremonial practice of searching for and disposing of any hidden “leaven” (yeast) that might still be remaining in the house. Speaking of this Passover tradition, In 1 Corinthians 5:6-8 it says, “Your boasting is not good. Don’t you know that a little yeast leavens the whole batch of dough? Get rid of the old yeast, so that you may be a new unleavened batch—as you really are. For Christ, our Passover lamb, has been sacrificed. Therefore let us keep the Festival, not with the old bread leavened with malice and wickedness, but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth.”

   I almost wondered if my sudden “revelation of my brokenness and sin was kind of like God’s “Bedikat Chametz” of my heart. I feel that God brought those things up because they are places deep down that He wanted to address so that I can walk in complete freedom. They are also areas in my life that Christ died to forgive. God simply gave me a clear picture of the things that Christ had already borne for me on the cross. On that drive home this past Saturday when my own brokenness and selfishness became clear to me, I almost wondered if God could ever use my life in any capacity? But God revels in using broken things (and broken people) for His purposes. Although really discouraging at the time, I am now grateful that God revealed to me more areas in my life that could potentially interfere with my ability to hear His voice in my life clearly. I am also happy that He helped me acknowledge the things that I was shown. I am now praying that God will continue to expose all those remaining hidden things in my life as well as those wounded areas of my heart that still need to be addressed. But I also asked Him to be gentle about it.

Psalm 139:23-24 "Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!"

A Reminder From My Heavenly Father

      I am so glad that I have the assurance that I have a heavenly Father that is always looking out for my best in life. I look back over the last 16 months and I have seen multiple occasions where God has made His presence known a midst some really tough circumstances. One that comes to mind happened shortly after I and my ex-wife separated last year. I received an unexpected Facebook message from Bob and Nancy Curry. I hadn’t seen or spoken to the Curry’s in almost 30 years and I honestly forgot they were Facebook friends. I had met and gotten to know Bob and Nancy when I was a 16 year old sophomore at Carmel high School. Bob and his wife were the youth pastors of a new church plant at the time called “Northview Christian Life” church. I was a relatively un-churched teenager going to their youth group.

 My life changed pretty dramatically after attending that youth group for 6 months. I was asked by Bob and Nancy to see a “Christian” musician that was performing at Market Square Arena in downtown Indianapolis. The musicians name was Keith Green. Keith was a Christian musician who played piano and sang—and honestly the thought (at that time) of going to a “Christian” concert appealed to me about as much as having red-hot spikes driven into my eye sockets. I went there expecting to see some “old guy” playing piano and singing “onward Christian soldier” or some other type of church music. Instead, what I saw was a young, radical guy that looked more like a hippie than a church guy. Keith had long curly hair with a full beard and he exhibited so much passion for serving and worshiping Christ that it almost emanated from him on stage. The first thing I noticed at the concert was that Bob, Nancy and I didn’t have to pay for entry. At every other concert I had previously attended (Foreigner, Billy Squire, AC/DC, etc.) you had to buy a ticket—while this concert was free. I then thought to myself as I looked at all the merchandise being sold (i.e. Tee shirts, Record Albums, etc.) that the angle/gimmick had to be that this Keith Green guy held free concerts but them made his money selling record albums. By the way, for those of my younger readers, a “record album” was a REALLY big CD. Well, while at the concert the Holy Spirit was speaking heavily to my heart. I found out that like myself—Keith Green also came from a Jewish background. About half way through the concert I found myself starting to soften to the message of Jesus that Keith (and first Bob) had been talking about. It was then that Keith did something that completely stunned me. He stopped playing and said, “If anyone wants a record album, raise your hand.” He went on to say that he wasn’t there to sell stuff but to share the good news of Jesus and he was passing out albums for whatever you could afford (even free). I started to silently weep in my seat (trying hard to NOT let my girlfriend at the time see this obvious weakness on my part). When Keith went on to ask if anyone wanted to ask Jesus into their heart to be their Lord and Savior—I almost leaped out of my seat. On the drive home that night, Bob spoke to me about my experience and encouraged me in pursuing that new relationship with my Savior. 30 years later, while going through some pretty traumatic stuff, I’m once again contacted by my youth pastor, Bob. Although I hadn’t directly revealed the turmoil that was going on in my life—it was apparent to Bob and Nancy that something was wrong and they decided to reach out to me. Although I attend an AWESOME church, at that time I had so much free time on my hands that I was really starting to feel alone and isolated. I was feeling like my whole life was falling apart. Bob and I started talking at that time and he and his wife invited me over that next Sunday afternoon for a family Bible study at their home in Fishers. I went to the Bible study that next Sunday and reconnected with this couple that had been so influential to me as a teenager. While at the Curry’s house, Nancy went to put on some contemporary music and accidentally loaded the “wrong” CD. What started playing was a Keith Green song “Oh Lord You’re beautiful”. The thought hit me as I sat in their living room that afternoon, that here I was with my old youth pastors listening again to Keith Green together just like when I accepted Jesus into my heart back in 1982. I almost felt like I went back in time to when I was a 16 year old new believer in Christ. And I felt, almost like God was speaking to me in that moment and saying, “I never forgot you or left you. I’m here for you, Brian.” And I started weeping as again I felt the overwhelming presence of my Savior speaking softly to my broken heart.

Psalm 68:6   “God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.”

MY TRUE IDENTITY

    MY TRUE IDENTITY

   While at a prayer group at Vineyard one evening; I really felt impressed God was speaking to my heart about something. I recalled when I was younger, I had been reading a book where the hero, while on a quest mistakenly wanders into a 'Forest of Forgetfulness'. Once there, the protagonist slowly forgets their mission and stays for an extended period of time until someone searches for and rescues them. When the rescuer finds him, he has to wake the hero up from the haze of forgetfulness by reminding him of who he is and what he is destined for. 

  This same basic concept of the hero/heroine either forgetting their identity or not being aware of it has been portrayed in various movies from Lord of the Rings, Labyrinth, Matrix to the movie 'What Dreams May Come’.  All these movies have that similar theme of the hero forgetting their true identity and what they are destined for. While at church on a Saturday evening; I  had almost felt as if this was where I had been for the last decade. Lost in my own personal 'Forest of Forgetfulness', not remembering that I am the son of a King on a mission of great importance. Until, I was 'not-so-gently' awoken from my slumber by my loving Savior; Who reminded me of who I was created to be AS WELL AS- who I was created for. I was reminded of my true identity by a my Lord, Who sought me out when I was in this slumber. How many years did I waste in a haze? Filling the large vacuum in my heart with things that could never leave me satisfied  How many years were wasted misinterpreting the hardships of life as either punishment from God or proof that He either didn't care or was even unaware of my plight. How much time and energy did I spend pursuing temporal things? Deriving my identity through my family, my job or my possessions while knowing in the deepest part of my heart that something was still missing; entertaining myself by living vicariously through the TV shows I watched, while all the while knowing their had to be something more. But God sought me out and woke me up from my haze. He pursued me and showed me He desires a relationship that is deeper than Sunday morning church attendance. My beckoning God desires a relationship that permeates every part of my being. As a Christ follower, I believe that we are all called to a deeper relationship with both our Creator as well as those around us. Isn't it interesting that when asked by a religious teacher what was the greatest commandment, Jesus said, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind."  [This is the first and greatest commandment.] And the second is like it: "Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” That’s all God wants--a deeper relationship with us. He won’t reject us, or cast us aside. He doesn't have any ambivalence towards us but passionately wants to know us and be involved with every aspect of our lives.

“God wants the whole person and He will not rest till He gets us in entirety. No part of the man will do" - A.W. Tozer - "The Pursuit of God”

John 1:12  "Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God."

Daneille Snowden [Blog Editor]: Brian and I are friends from our high school youth group and had recently reconnected on facebook. Also, I was there when he first accepted Christ in 1982 at a Keith Green concert. I have been following his Facebook posts on his journey back into intimacy with God and offered to share them on a blog. Check out my blog: http://snowdenwiththefam-daneille.blogspot.com/ 

WHO DO WE TURN TO?

WHO DO WE TURN TO?

What do you do when your life seems to be falling apart? How do you react? 
Who do you turn to first for help or guidance? 
How do you perceive your situation? 
Over the last few months of sharing my experiences on face book I have had the honor of being contacted by a number of facebook friends who shared with me their intense personal trauma. One face book friend just found out he has a large brain tumor (and is going in for surgery soon) , another had recently received the diagnosis of a very debilitating disease, while others have messaged me about struggling with failed marriages, estrangement from their children or loss of employment. The questions of who do you turn to and how do you perceive your situation are critical when you are facing things that seem (and often are) overwhelming.

    Around 13 years ago, I was in a tremendously tenuous financial situation. A business that I owned was failing. Due to some bad business decisions on my part (expending too quickly), coupled with an economic downturn AND substantial employee theft; I found myself over almost $250,000 in debt. When I finally woke up and realized the seriousness of my financial situation--I immediately closed the first location and scheduled a meeting with a Christian attorney for some legal (and hopefully spiritual counsel. At my first meeting with my Christian lawyer he looked at my financials and told me that it was too soon to make a decision on bankruptcy. In his words, “We serve a big God--give it 3 months and lets reevaluate at that point.” I struggled through the next few months until my next meeting with the attorney. During that next few months I was falling behind on sales taxes and the debt load was getting deeper. To pay my business bills (and payroll) I was starting to use my credit cards. I had two main credit cards, each with a $20,000 limit and I was using both those cards to prop up my one remaining store. Although the interest rates on both cards was less than 5%--I quickly found out that the credit card companies can increase your credit card interest rates up to 33% if you are late on a few payments. And I was late on quite a few! At that next meeting with my attorney, after looking at my books he told me that I needed to declare bankruptcy immediately. Although my first retail store was incorporated, which shielded me personally from most of the debt, I felt bankruptcy was still wrong in my situation. The decision to declare (or not to declare bankruptcy in my case) is a pretty stressful decision. I’m not making a statement of whether it’s right or wrong for anyone else. In my mind (and heart) however, it would be a bad example for me to close my Christian owned business and not pay off my debtors. Regardless of how I got into that financial chasm ultimately I was the owner, and I was responsible for paying off those creditors. So I went against my lawyers advice and personally assumed all that debt. 
Now prior to that business failure, I had grown accustomed to being successful in all my endeavors. I am and have been very successful in my military career as well as in my endeavors as an entrepreneur. Although I was a Christian and very involved in my church, my focus was not very clear. At that point in my life I was really concerned with projecting an image of being a financial success and my “religion” for the most part was contained within the hours of Wednesday evening Bible study and Sunday morning church services. 

    After I assumed that debt personally--I remember being so desperate for answers that I would spend hours online typing out prayer requests which I sent to various prayer websites--hoping that somehow who I perceived as a distant, ambivalent God would hear my prayers because of my perseverance. Little did I know that not only was God NOT distant or aloof, but my loving Creator was already using these hardships to show His affection for me. Over the next 10 years I saw multiple situations of God’s provision for me and my family (one story which I previously shared about getting a bike for my son). Although I wasn't happy being in that place of dependence, I started learning how to trust in God’s faithfulness even if the situation seemed hopeless. Although it took over 10 years, I eventually paid off all my creditors. During that period of time I experienced multiple situations of seeing God meet my needs when I had no one or nowhere else to turn to.

Daneille Snowden [Blog Editor]: Brian and I are friends from our high school youth group and had recently reconnected on facebook. Also, I was there when he first accepted Christ in 1982 at a Keith Green concert. I have been following his Facebook posts on his journey back into intimacy with God and offered to share them on a blog. Check out my blog: http://snowdenwiththefam-daneille.blogspot.com/