The "lie" of hopelessness and despair.

 

I recently got a late night phone call from an old high school friend that wanted to talk.  One of his friends from childhood had recently committed suicide and he was trying to make sense of it all.  We both wondered what kind of deep issue was his friend dealing with that made him feel so hopeless that he decided suicide was the best way to end the pain?  We were on the phone for quite a while that evening, with me doing a lot of listening.  The thought struck me as we were talking, how many people going through hardship get to that point of complete hopelessness and despair?  I know there have been a few times in the recent past where I was close to feeling hopeless.  Just a few short years ago my life had been torn down to the studs and I felt completely overwhelmed as everything around me seemed to be spiraling out of control.  It was in that place however that I cried out to God.  And God met me in my sorrow and hardship and made His presence tangibly known in so many little ways.  Seeing his fingerprint in my life in even small ways gave me hope.  Even in the hardest times I learned that God was good and even though I was powerless in my situation—he wasn’t.  Looking back on that time I  am so grateful for all the tremendous blessings in my life currently.  I feel like God has completely restored all the things I had lost.  I am thankful that I finally learned the secret that no matter what hardship I am facing, God loves me and holds me safely in the palm of his hands.  If you are going through hardship and trauma in your life right now and are feeling overwhelmed—just know that God is not unaware of your situation.  Whether you are going through divorce, the death of a spouse or child, loss of a job, a terminal cancer diagnosis, or any other hardship--God loves you and he hasn't forgotten your pain.  The scriptures say that "nothing can ever separate us from God's love".  Your heavenly father wants you to cry out to him and let HIM be your comforter. He wants you to lean on his strong shoulders and know that he has everything under control if you will just turn to him and trust him.  Below are a couple of scriptures that gave me hope in the hard times.

Psalm 27:13 “I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living.”


Romans 8:35-39 "Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”) No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.   And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.  No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord."
 

1 Peter 5:7 “Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.”

Learning to trust

As I've grown older Ive just started to learn to trust God in the really hard places. For it's in those places where our faith is really tested and refined. As I look back-- the times when I felt the most lonely, rejected, fearful and abandoned are the times when God made himself known to me in the most tangible ways. During the periods in my life where things just weren't going according to "my plans", I discovered that despite my fears God had much better plans for me. If you are going through hard times right now, call out to your heavenly father. He loves you and wants to make his presence known in your life. - Brian

Loving our neighbors

It's amazing how people try to justify all kinds of evil behavior. Especially in a divorce--people will justify saying and doing really unkind things without thinking twice.  It's a shame but it seems like concepts such as character, commitment, purity and kindness are even missing in much of the church today.  Often we get so sidetracked on political or doctrinal issues that we forget the simple message that Jesus preached. The message that we should "love the Lord our God with all our hearts, mind, soul and strength-and we should love our neighbors as we love ourselves."   Jesus is coming back for a bride that is spotless and pure. As Christ followers we need to start walking out who God created us to be. Not out of a fear of judgement--but out of a lovesick desire to live our lives to honor our Lord.

Ephesians 5:27 ESV

"So that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish."

Learning to look and listen.

With marriages it’s so important to communicate with your spouse.  Communication includes both speaking and listening.  Isn’t it interesting however that when it pertains to our relationship with God that communication is often 1 way.  We cry out to God when we are hurting or in need—but how often do we truly listen for his voice?  How often do we intently search to hear and see God communicating with us?  What if God desired to speak to us every day but we simply weren’t hearing him because we weren’t listening?  What if God was speaking to us through our dreams and our imagination yet we never realized it as we mistakenly assume that these things were all coming from within us.  What if he is conversing to us through the unusual coincidences in our lives—yet we analytically brush them off?  In 1 Kings 19:11-13, it states The Lord said (to Elijah), “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by. ‘Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake.  After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire.  And after the fire came a gentle whisper.   When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.  Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”  It’s interesting that God was not speaking to Elijah through a loud booming voice that came to him amidst the tornado, earthquake or the fire.  He instead spoke to the prophet through a gentle whisper.  This whisper was also referred to as a “still, small voice”.  It was such a slight whisper that it almost might not been noticed if Elijah wasn’t intently listening for Gods’ voice.  What if part of our mission as Christ followers is to scrutinize the scripture to learn about God and his character so that when we hear that gentle whisper from God we can identify it as coming from our beloved heavenly father?  What if another part of our mission is to learn how to see and hear God’s voice and prompting in our lives?  To learn to listen intently so that when he speaks we hear him.  Jesus said in John 10:27, that “My sheep listen to my voice, I know them and they follow me.”  Most of us need to start talking less and listening (and looking) more when communicating with God.  Jesus said his sheep listen to his voice.  Well, fellow sheep, we better start listening.        

 

Proverbs 25:2 - It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings.

John 10:1-5  “Very truly I tell you Pharisees, anyone who does not enter the sheep pen by the gate, but climbs in by some other way, is a thief and a robber. The one who enters by the gate is the shepherd of the sheep. The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger’s voice.”

New Years Eve Facebook Post

Happy New Year's to all my Facebook friends. When I look back over all the transition I've gone through over the past year I'm so grateful for where I'm currently at. Last year on New Year's Eve it was hard for me to see any light at the end of the tunnel. Everything around me seemed dark and cold. when I tried to project myself into the future all I could see was more loss and pain. God was faithful to meet me in that place however. He showed himself so faithful to me and let me know in so many ways that he "saw me" and that he held me securely in his loving arms.  Now, a year later--as I look at where I'm at currently I'm so grateful. God has brought old friends back into my life and some wonderful new ones as well. He has started the restoration process in my life. I have a new home and I'm so excited about all the new adventures that God has for me in the future. I'm so glad that I serve a God that has compassion on his children when they're hurting and always hears their prayers. I'm also thankful that I go to a wonderful church with an awesome pastoral staff. Lastly I'm thankful for my family and that God has blessed me with an amazing mother, sister and some absolutely wonderful kids--all of whom I'm very proud of and love dearly. 

 

 

Psalms 23:4 "Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me."

The Walking Dead.

  One of the most popular shows on TV right now is the "walking dead".  For those of you who haven't seen it--it’s a show about people living in a post-apocalyptic world filled with cannibalistic zombies.  The zombies walk around looking a lot like the living however there is one important difference--they are dead inside.  No feelings, emotions, passion--just a stagnant parody of life.    

   So often we go through life almost like the walking dead, stumbling through the motions of life with the "appearance" of being alive--when in reality we are emotionally dead inside.  In fact, many Christians go through life like the "frozen chosen"--going to church out of obligation without ever realizing that God wants us to live from our hearts.  When I first became a Christian as a 16 year old kid, my relationship with God was exciting and fresh.  I was so zealous to share with my friends all the new things I was learning and experiencing as a "Christ follower".  However, like many of us, that freshness began to fade.  We experience the hardships of life and we slowly begin to shut our heart down.  Because of that, our relationship with God becomes more of an intellectual pursuit than a heartfelt relationship.  We start to learn more "about" God instead of spending time getting to actually know God.  Well the problem with that is that God speaks primarily to our "hearts", not our intellect. Trying to hear God's voice with our heads is almost like trying to smell flowers with our ears.  We expend a lot of effort with minimal results. Well, I went on like this for years.  My relationship with God became a lot more about following certain rules or believing certain doctrine then enjoying a heartfelt relationship with my heavenly father.  When I began to feel distant from God, I began to work harder, thinking I needed to gain God's favor.  I got heavily involved in church activities, in Bible studies, etc.--but I felt that God was distant, cold and ambivalent.  It got very tiring working so hard trying to "earn" God's affection--never realizing that what I was working so hard to attain was something I already possessed.   I lived like that for years until life circumstances caused me to cry out in desperation to the one that loved me the most.  Those of you that know me are aware that almost 2 years ago--I hit the wall hard.  I lost everything I had been depending on for my identity and worth.  My family was fractured and I saw my 25 year marriage disintegrate before my eyes.  I was left numb, broken and powerless to do anything about what was happening around me.  The loss of the family business we worked so hard to start (Havilah's Boutique) was compounded by the enormous financial loss that resulted from that stores closing and its subsequent bankruptcy.  I saw my family home (of 17 years) sold with all equity going to the bank.  Most of my possessions were sold and I was left feeling alone and abandoned.  Instead of being bitter about my hardship however-- I cried out to God in my pain and brokenness.  It was then my loving my heavenly father faithfully met me in my pain.  Amazingly, the God that I met was quite different than whom I expected.  I discovered a creator who loves me like a good father loves his beloved son.  I found out that being a Christian was never about learning a bunch of "thou shalt not's".  I also discovered that being a Christian is also not about simply holding on through the pains of life until you die and go to heaven.  God's desire for you is not simply to survive--but God wants your heart to be alive and joyful as well.  Jesus didn't pay the ultimate price for our sins simply so that God would tolerate you.  God loves you so much that he sent Jesus willingly so that you can experience a relationship with your heavenly father that would transform your life.  How would it change your perception if you allowed the reality of that to permeate into the depths of your heart?  God loves YOU!  He knows you by name.  He sees you and earnestly desires a deeper relationship with you than simply Sunday morning church attendance.  He loves you despite your brokenness and wants you to experience the relationship with him that Jesus sacrifice made possible.  God wants to walk with you through this adventure called life and wants you to be able to experience the peace of knowing that He loves you and will never leave you.  Your heavenly father wants you to feel the joy of knowing him so that you can be "truly" alive instead of simply stumbling through life like the walking dead.

 John 10:10,  "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly."

Psalm 27:13,  "I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living."

1 John 3:1,  "See how great a love the Father has bestowed upon us, that we should be called children of God; and such we are. For this reason the world does not know us, because it did not know Him."

Lonely but never alone.

    Over the last eight months life has changed for me quite a bit. Even something as simple as "dating" has been a learning experience as the last "first date" I had was as a 17 year old. One thing I have learned about myself over the last eight months is that I really don't like being single.  I remember hearing a sermon in the past about the "gift" of singleness.  Now I know that some people are called to live a life of singleness serving Christ and I have tremendous respect for those men and women.  I however am not wired that way.  I remember thinking when I heard that sermon about the gift of singleness, that I would return that gift immediately upon receipt (lol).  That “gift” in my opinion would almost be like receiving the "gift of an IRS tax audit" or the "gift of a receding hairline."  Back then I never thought I would have to experience being single again.  Yet here I am, a single guy, at the age of 48.  Rather unexpectedly I lost my identity as a husband and a provider.   Due to that experience it has been a real process walking through some pretty large foundational changes in both my life and how I view myself.    
    An analogy I would use to illustrate the trauma of losing your spouse--would be to sustain a severe battlefield injury.  Being a Soldier I have had the opportunity to speak to veterans that have been severely injured in combat.  The trauma of divorce to me is like losing your right arm (to the shoulder) in combat.  After losing a limb, I have been told, that often you can still feel your fingers tingling even though your arm is gone.  That phenomenon is called "phantom limb pain" and it's medically documented.  Also people that lose limbs in combat, for quite awhile, forget that the limb is even gone.  It takes awhile before they stop subconsciously attempting to reach out and pick up something with the arm that is no longer there.  
    With divorce (or any loss of a spouse or a child) you may experience similar symptoms.  You might wake up in the morning forgetting that your life has changed.  Whereas you previously had someone to talk to when you got home from work--you now come home to overwhelming silence.  Whereas you previously had someone to sit beside at church--you now find yourself sitting alone.  You even find yourself attending Bible studies, movies or even going to restaurants by yourself.  Something as simple as shopping for groceries can even be painful.  While navigating the aisles near the floral display--that’s when it might hit you that you no longer have anyone to buy flowers for.  
    Regardless of what loss you are experiencing now, remember that although at times you might feel lonely--you are never alone because you have a heavenly father that loves you profoundly. Most importantly, God wants to meet you in that place of loneliness and longing.  Below are a few verses that had been encouraging to me as I walked through the trauma of divorce.

　
　

Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
　

Psalm 68:5-7, “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,
is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.”

Romans 8:35-39 “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: “For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Knowing the REAL "Superman".

 

    As a young boy I always wanted to be a super hero.  I grew up watching Batman and Superman on TV and because of that I've always had to be the first one at the theater to see the newest superhero movie whenever it was released.  As part of that tradition I had recently gone to see the new Superman movie, Man of Steel, at the local theater.  I remember while watching "Man of Steel" I thought, “How cool would it be to know that you were invulnerable?  To know that there was no obstacle that you couldn’t smash through, leap over or fly around.  Bullets have no effect on you and you could always be confident that your environment was always within your control.  Additionally, how awesome would it be for Clark Kent--slowly realizing that there is nothing for him to fear while simultaneously beginning to understand the full impact of his destiny.  I think that would be the definition of joy for me.  It’s the excitement of knowing who you are, realizing that you have a destiny and lastly knowing that everything around you is under control. 

    The other day I noticed that I was extremely joyful and wasn’t really sure why?  That has happened to me a few times as of late.  It was kind of interesting as nothing particularly awesome or exciting had happened?  I hadn’t been alerted that I won a million dollars on Hoosier lotto,  I’m still single, I hadn’t bought a new car, I hadn’t even had a particularly good sales day at  my job (Soundsational).  Yet here I was overwhelmed with confidence and excitement looking forward to the prospect of whatever new adventure I was going to encounter that day?  And then the thought hit me, this is what joy really is.  Joy isn’t dependent on circumstance.  Joy isn’t the same thing as happiness. I’m happy when good things are happening.  Joy however is different.   Joy, as a Christian, is the complete confidence of knowing that you are firmly planted in God’s hand and that He is watching out for you in all things.  As I lingered on that thought I almost felt like “Superman”.  I’m joyful because I know who I am, I know whose I am, and I am fully confident that I am safe and secure in the palm of God’s hand.  It’s almost like being bullet-proof.  I have no fear about the areas of my life that have unanswered questions—because I know that everything that I encounter is “God filtered” and my heavenly father is always working out any potential hardships or pitfalls in my life for my betterment.  

    A verse in the bible that I always loved (but never fully understood) was in Habakkuk 3:17-18.  I’ve quoted this verse on Facebook before when speaking about suffering.  In this verse the writer, Habakkuk, states, “Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.”  I have spoken before about how in that society, if your fig trees didn’t bud, you had no grapes, your olive crop failed AND you had no cows or sheep—you were in trouble.  In ancient Israel there was no welfare, unemployment or food stamps.  If all of your ability to earn an income was suddenly taken away—from a practical standpoint you were looking at the certainty of starvation and death.  Yet, the author follows up by saying “yet, I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.”  I never understood how the author could be rejoicing, or experiencing joy, in the midst of all that failure and devastation.  I could understand if he were simply “enduring” or “surviving”--but to actually “rejoice”?  That was something I had a hard time relating to, until recently.  Habakkuk was able to “rejoice” in God because he knew whole heartedly that God was his savior.  And he was able to rejoice and be at peace knowing that God would and does provide.  I’m starting to understand that concept and just beginning to walk it out. As I said earlier, as a child I always wanted to know what it would feel like to be a super hero.  At this point in my walk with God I feel like I’m beginning to understand now.   :)   

Psalm 5:11, “But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy.  Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you.”

Isaiah 54:17, "no weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and this is their vindication from me," declares the LORD."

        

God and the splinter

I remember vividly the first time my son Israel (Izzy) got a splinter as a small child.  He was playing on the wooden swing set in our back yard when he got a large painful looking splinter deeply embedded in the palm of his hand.  When he came in to show it to his mom and I, his lower lip was quivering and I could tell that he was scared.  When I told him that we needed to remove that splinter—I quickly saw his fear turn into abject terror. He didn’t understand at that time--that what seemed painful and traumatic to him was necessary in order to prevent infection or further problems.   As a parent I couldn’t leave that splinter in.  I knew once that splinter was removed, Izzy would feel much better and healing could take place.  My little son wept bitterly and fought against me as hard as he could as I dug for the splinter.  I remember as I forced his little hand open and tried to get ahold of a small section of that splinter the look of confusion on Izzy’s face as his "little boy heart" didn’t understand why his mom and I were causing him so much pain.  I don’t think he noticed at the time that I was also crying?  You see, as a small child, he couldn’t fathom how intensely his father loved him and that I would never do anything to intentionally hurt my beloved son.  Once the splinter was removed it took him quite a while to calm down.  Once he did however, he went back outside and started playing in the backyard again. 
    Isn’t that how our walk with God is sometimes?  We experience pain and hardship in life and our complete focus is to escape from our trauma not realizing that our loving heavenly father is an expert in using hardship to transform our hearts.  Often we even fight against God and wonder why he simply allows us to hurt not understanding that our Heavenly father often uses the normal hardships of life to help us become who he has called us to be (if we let him).  The other evening I experienced a feeling of overwhelming gratitude towards God for all of the changes in my life over the past few years.  It’s pretty amazing that less than a few short years ago—all I could think to do was frantically pray that God would rescue me from the pain and trauma that I was experiencing in my life.  When I didn’t see those prayers being answered the way I thought they should—often I became bitter or felt like God was abandoning me.  Because of my distorted image of God I could only see the tribulation in my life as evidence that things were spiraling out of control and God was either unaware on unconcerned about what was going on in my life.  I can honestly say at present that I’m so very grateful for everything I have experienced.  Over the last 18 months God has really softened my heart and changed the way I view life.  In every area of my life I now see God’s loving hand guiding me.  Although I’m still waiting for some lose ends to be tied up in my life, I am so excited for whatever new adventures that God has in store for me in the future.   I’m also enjoying the fact that I can trust God with the splinters in my own life knowing that "in all things he works for the good of those who love him". 
    If you are going through a painful situation now and you are a “Christ follower”, just know that God is lovingly speaking to you behind the scenes and saying “I know this time is hurtful but it’s necessary.  I haven’t abandoned you and I have so many wonderful things around the corner for you.  Just trust me as you are my precious son/daughter that I love.”  If you haven’t experienced a relationship with your heavenly father yet and would like to, the Bible says that “If you declare with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” (Romans 10:9).  Just cry out to him (God) because your heavenly father loves you zealously and intensely desires a relationship with you.  -Brian 

Jer. 29:11, For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Romans 8:28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” 

Hebrews 13:5, “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

 

The Desire For A Covenant Relationship

    A few weeks ago I got into a good conversation with a guy about “Covenantal Relationships”.  This soldier was an Iraq veteran and a classmate of mine in the Army school I was attending.  He was an extremely nice guy although his identity was very much tied into “being a player”.  As we were talking that afternoon I was asked what I thought about marriage, now that I was divorced.  I told this soldier that I still very much believe in the marriage "covenant" and looked forward to someday getting remarried if it was in God’s will.  I was surprised at how adamantly opposed to the concept of marriage (or even monogamy) that this guy was.  It was then that I explained to him the Biblical concept of a covenantal relationship. 
   To illustrate this, I told him the story of Dave Roever.  Dave was a former Navy gunner’s mate in Viet Nam who was severely injured while on a patrol boat when an incendiary grenade went off in his hand.  The WP grenade blew off half of Dave’s face, his left ear and destroyed both of his hands.  He was burned so horrifically that when his buddies pulled him out of the water they all assumed he was dead.  Dave was eventually transported to a military hospital in the United States and upon arrival his new roommate was an injured soldier who had his lower legs blown off in Viet Nam.  His roomates wife came by to visit her husband later that week.  When the wife looked at her “damaged” husband she took off her wedding band and set it on his bed and left the hospital.  Watching this take place, Dave fell into deep depression.  He had only been married to his beautiful wife, Brenda, for less than a year when he was sent to Nam.  He thought how could she, or anybody, love someone so grotesque?  Although Dave was a Christian, he quickly lost all hope and desire to live.  Later the next day his young wife arrived at the hospital.  As she walked in and for the first time looked at her severely burned husband and his unrecognizable face—Dave cringed expecting rejection.  Instead, Brenda walked straight up to him kissed his forehead and said, “I want you to know that I love you.  Welcome home, Davey.” 
    Upon telling my classmate this story, his eyes teared up and he told me "that" would be a love that he would marry for.  He opened up with me and revealed that he had previously been married for 2 years.  He loved his ex-wife (at the time) and had always been faithful to her.  When he went off to war in Iraq however, unbeknownst to him, she found someone else while he was away.  When this soldier came back after his one year tour of combat, eager to see his wife, what he received instead was a divorce petition.  He told me that after that happened he made a vow to never trust a woman again.   He also went on to tell me that in the deepest part of his heart he wanted to experience a love like Brenda Roever has for her husband Dave.  Who wouldn't want a love like that?  I went on to tell this soldier that the reason that Dave’s wife Brenda was able to love him “unconditionally” like that was because she had first experienced that unconditional love herself through her relationship with Jesus Christ.  You see, you can’t give away something that you don’t already have.  I firmly believe that it’s impossible to love someone unconditionally unless you yourself have first experienced unconditional love.  Through offering up his own beloved son, Jesus, God entered into an irrevocable covenant with mankind.  A covenantal relationship stating that anyone that would believe in Jesus and receive him as their Lord and Savior would have eternal life.  But even more important is the fact that upon entering into that Covenant with God we become his beloved children. 
    We live in a world where it seems like everything is disposable, even people and relationships.  The current divorce rate among Christians is over 50%. The divorce rate with 2nd marriages is even higher. Are we really "happier" in our society now than in the 1950's when the divorce rate was almost nonexistent? I think everyone in the deepest part of their heart (myself included) desire that deep covenantal relationship like Dave and Brenda Roever share.  Who among us doesn’t desire a covenantal and unconditional relationship like the one illustrated in the movie "the notebook?" However, making a commitment to love your spouse; "for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part,” seems to be an almost impossible accomplishment in our modern society.  I just finished an awesome book by Craig Hill called, 'The Power of a Parents Blessing.' In this book, the author had quite a lot of insight when speaking about the proliferation of divorce (especially within Christian circles).  The author stated that "divorce presents marriage as a conditional contract based on works or performance. Thus divorce distorts the prophetic image of how Christ will treat us, his bride. Instead of being a grace based unconditional covenant, marriage is seen as a performance based, conditional contract in which the errant party can be thrown out and replaced with someone else who will perform more satisfactorily."  Marriage, to a Christian, should be a covenant relationship.  It is two people coming together in agreement to love each other unconditionally.  As a covenant, God gives very specific guidance on the circumstances where divorce is scripturally permissible.  Even when those circumstances exist where God allows divorce however, it still doesn't mean that he demands it.  
    I pray as I continue on my journey through experiencing that unconditional love from my father in heaven--God will continue to teach me how to love people like Jesus did.

1 John 4:16 "And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them."

Romans 5:8

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

The movie "42" and "turning the other cheek."

I recently saw the movie “42” about baseball legend Jackie Robinson.  This movie especially impacted me as my grandfather was major league pitcher Robert “Lefty” Bob Logan who played for the Cincinnati Reds as well as the Chicago Cubs.  Although Jackie Robinson’s career began after my grandfather had already retired—Jackie Robinson was always one of Grandpa Logan’s favorite players.  Both my Grandfather Bob and Grandmother Evelyn Logan were two of the biggest influences on my faith in Christ.  One thing that impacted me in that movie was the concept of turning the other cheek.  In the movie, Jackie was told by the Dodgers General Manager Branch Rickey that Branch was looking for a man “with guts enough not to fight back”.  The film accurately depicted Branch Rickey’s commitment to following Christ.  The General Manager of the Dodgers sincerely felt like it was God’s will that he help integrate baseball and subsequently impact the moral fiber of the nation.  One thing not addressed in the movie, however, was Jackie Robinson’s similar deep and abiding faith in Jesus Christ.  Throughout the movie Robinson resisted the temptation to defend himself or fight back.  Because of how Jackie Robinson continued to react in a “Christ like” way—his courage and discipline completely changed major league baseball (and impacted the society’s view on racism as well).    
    One of the hardest things to learn in following Jesus, are the concepts of  “dying to self” and “loving your enemies”.  One thing that I feel God has been teaching me lately is the importance of “dying to self”.  The dead have no rights and find no need to defend themselves.  When I started coming to the realization of what it really meant to die to self, it became easier (although still not easy) to be kind to those who were being unkind to me.  Jesus is glorified when we begin to live in that reality though because it is so contrary to the way that we are wired.  It is a natural human reaction when someone personally attacks us (whether emotionally or physically) to fight back.  Now I am not in ANY way advocating anyone to stay in a physically abusive relationship.  What I am saying however is that when we react with kindness to those who are being vicious to us —that is when people will see Christ being active in our lives.  For those of us who have had to process through the pain and rejection of divorce this can be a hard road to travel.  I recently spoke to a church friend about her mistreatment at the hands of her ex-husband.  She is a Christian and was struggling with how to react towards her ex.  Her ex husband had been very cruel, manipulative and accusing when dealing with her.  He had slandered her to both family friends as well as to their children.  It was her natural tendency to go on the attack whenever she had to interact with him.  She would feel the desire to lash out, retaliate, threaten, and defend herself against his verbal attacks and accusations.  My counsel to her was simply to “be kind” in any and all interactions with him.  If he got verbally abusive on the phone, I told her she should end the call.  But I encouraged her that under no circumstances should she allow herself to get baited into responding on his level.  Did her ex husband deserve her kindness?  Absolutely not!  This guy was being a complete jerk.  But in showing kindness instead of venom she was taking the moral high ground and honoring God.  Now this does not mean we have no boundaries when dealing with abusive people.  What it does mean is we have decided to react in ways that glorify God and show kindness to those who are undeserving (realizing that we all are undeserving of God’s kindness and mercy). When we decide to follow Christ, we give up our rights to retaliate in order to defend our own dignity.  When we defend our honor by retaliating against those who hurl insults our way—we minimize the reality of Christ in our lives.  Black athletes during the civil rights era understood this concept.  People like Jackie Robinson knew that if they retaliated it would simply give justification to their attackers that they were correct in their false assumptions.  Instead, like Jesus, Jackie showed through his gentle dignity that his confidence and esteem came from the Lord.  He had no need to defend himself as God was his defender.  Through his actions and the actions of other great men and women of that era, racial barriers began to erode and both Jackie Robinson and Branch Rickie began to see the beginnings of racial reconciliation and healing in the nation.  I pray that God will continue to allow me to learn how to “turn the other cheek” in the midst of conflict so that I can become more like the one I serve.

Matthew 5:38-48, “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.  And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well.  And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you.  You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’  But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”

Live long and prosper!

Warning, Nerd Alert!!!  I loved watching Star Trek as a kid.  Every episode started with the Enterprise crew encountering a very traumatic event.  The crew was always facing intense drama--whether it was the Star Ship Enterprise being attacked by an alien race intent on the destruction of mankind, a plague that caused everyone on board to age rapidly or Captain Kirk being transported to an alien planet where he was forced into a “battle to the death” with a crocodilian creature called “Gorn.” The crew of the Enterprise always had some pretty major hardships to overcome and every week I watched that show, captivated to find out how they would deal with the latest hardship and how things would resolve themselves.  And things always did resolve before the end of that episode. 

    I used to always wish life worked out that way.  No fear or panic just the anticipation that everything is under control and things will eventually work themselves out.  In my personal life however, I would panic when things would get really hard.  I would often times feel like life was spiraling out of control and God was nowhere to be found.  My fear of abandonment would always project itself onto my perception of both God and my circumstances and I would feel anxiety and panic.  That fear would push me into trying to “pray harder” somehow feeling like I had to work to get God’s attention.  When I would eventually calm down and start to seek God in faith, He would give me peace.  Yet inevitably when that latest crisis would resolve itself—I would put God back on the shelf and continue with business as usual.  That was, until a little more than a year ago when everything was collapsing in my life with no resolution in sight.  All the things I depended on and looked to for strength and identity seemed to completely disappear.  And I was left standing with no one and nothing --except for my loving heavenly Father.  Like a man caught in the darkest of nights looking intently for a light in the distance-- I searched for God amidst the rubble all around me.  Something different happened this time around however as I finally began to understand that God had always been with me.  He never left me (even when I left him).  Like the writer of a Star Trek script, he was always there in advance figuring out how to resolve my life traumas in my best interest.  When I finally started understanding that fact it has revolutionized the way I view life.  Now when I’m facing hardships in my life I have the assurance that “the one that loves me the most” is working out all things for my good in Christ Jesus.  Now I have the assurance that just like a Star Trek episode, the “screen writer of my life” has already planned a victorious ending to my latest trials. 
    If you are currently facing hardship or loss, I encourage you to take your pain and hurt to your heavenly Father.  He loves you and wants to use the hardships you are facing to draw you into a closer relationship with him.  He is also the one that you can call on for help when no one else can help you.  Whatever your situation is, don’t lose hope because your creator longs to intervene in your life and show you his affection.  God’s passion for us was at the core of the message that Jesus taught.  God loves you and has created you with a plan and purpose.  God sent his son, Jesus so that we can live in a right relationship with the creator of the universe.  Not as servants, but as dearly beloved children.  So that we can truly “live long and prosper”. ;)      

1 Peter 5:8-10 “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.  To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.”

Romans 8:28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” 

God Is Always Faithful To Us -- Even In The Hard Times.

A lot of intensity today (4 Feb 2013). While at Church Sunday a friend of mine asked to pray for me dealing with my divorce. She said when she saw me at church that morning I seemed to have “sad eyes”? Initially I didn’t really know how to respond? I mean I feel like I’m doing pretty good, everything considered. I haven’t really felt a lot of the pain of this as I have really focused on my relationship with God during this hardship and have seen God’s faithfulness throughout this ordeal. That was until this afternoon. I received a copy of the final divorce decree from my attorney today and quickly felt overwhelming sadness. Like the feelings you have when someone dearly loved has just died. I guess that’s not unexpected from what I have been hearing in my "divorce care class"—but I still wasn’t ready for it. I mean 25 years is a long time to be married. It’s over half of my life so far. When I got married (probably like most people) I never expected to ever get divorced. I saw the trauma of divorce first hand when my parents split up and I never expected to experience that trauma ever again. I have so much compassion for people going through this as it’s extremely wounding. Not to mention the feelings of rejection, trauma to the kids, the financial distress, loss of your family home, all of these things are overwhelming. But it’s nice to know that in the midst of all the pain we are not alone. We have a Savior who was described in Isaiah 53 as "a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.". Jesus is there to help shoulder the burdens for those of us who are hurting. I have been surprised by all the private messages I have received as I have been posting about my personal journey on my facebook page. A lot of my facebook friends are going through similar hardships (and many of you are going through stuff that is MUCH more traumatic). For those who are enduring hardships with no end in sight--a couple of Bible verses that have comforted me are below:

“Cast all your anxieties on him (Jesus), because he cares for you.” ( 1 Peter 5:7) 

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18) 

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart,

for they will see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” (Matt 5:2) 

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” – (Matt 11:28)

BRIAN'S FIRST POST

FROM DANEILLE  (Post Editor): Brian and I are friends from high school youth group and we have recently reconnected on facebook. I happened to be there when Brian first accepted Christ in 1982 at a Keith Green concert. Also I have been following his Facebook posts on Brian's journey back into intimacy with God and offered to share them on a blog. [Check out my blog: http://snowdenwiththefam-daneille.blogspot.com/]

  DIVORCE IS HEARTBREAKING

     Divorce is heartbreaking. It's especially heart wrenching when both couples in the marriage are believers and that relationship with God should have impacted their marital relationship. The current divorce rate among "Born-again" church attending Christians is over 50%. That's the same divorce rate as among the non-churched. Whatever happened to the Biblical idea of a marriage "covenant"? What ever happened to trying to resolve your differences instead and working on the relationship. The death of a marriage is heartbreaking for all involved.

   I'm a little introspective tonight as this evening I just finished attending a "Divorce care" class that is taught by one of my church friends, Bill. It hit me as I was sitting in the class, that 4 years ago- I was on staff at the same church; co-leading their "Fireproof" marriage class! Wow, a lot changes in 4 years. I'm so glad that I have so many faithful friends that have been there for me this last year. I'm also so grateful that I serve a compassionate God that is always there for those who cry out to Him. 

Psalm 34:18: "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."