God is faithful.

I have been through almost overwhelming hardship and I've been through periods of tremendous blessing.  I can tell you that the good times were always more fun.  Regardless of what was going on however, God was always faithful to me despite any outside circumstances.  My thought for the day.

The "lie" of hopelessness and despair.

 

I recently got a late night phone call from an old high school friend that wanted to talk.  One of his friends from childhood had recently committed suicide and he was trying to make sense of it all.  We both wondered what kind of deep issue was his friend dealing with that made him feel so hopeless that he decided suicide was the best way to end the pain?  We were on the phone for quite a while that evening, with me doing a lot of listening.  The thought struck me as we were talking, how many people going through hardship get to that point of complete hopelessness and despair?  I know there have been a few times in the recent past where I was close to feeling hopeless.  Just a few short years ago my life had been torn down to the studs and I felt completely overwhelmed as everything around me seemed to be spiraling out of control.  It was in that place however that I cried out to God.  And God met me in my sorrow and hardship and made His presence tangibly known in so many little ways.  Seeing his fingerprint in my life in even small ways gave me hope.  Even in the hardest times I learned that God was good and even though I was powerless in my situation—he wasn’t.  Looking back on that time I  am so grateful for all the tremendous blessings in my life currently.  I feel like God has completely restored all the things I had lost.  I am thankful that I finally learned the secret that no matter what hardship I am facing, God loves me and holds me safely in the palm of his hands.  If you are going through hardship and trauma in your life right now and are feeling overwhelmed—just know that God is not unaware of your situation.  Whether you are going through divorce, the death of a spouse or child, loss of a job, a terminal cancer diagnosis, or any other hardship--God loves you and he hasn't forgotten your pain.  The scriptures say that "nothing can ever separate us from God's love".  Your heavenly father wants you to cry out to him and let HIM be your comforter. He wants you to lean on his strong shoulders and know that he has everything under control if you will just turn to him and trust him.  Below are a couple of scriptures that gave me hope in the hard times.

Psalm 27:13 “I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living.”


Romans 8:35-39 "Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”) No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.   And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.  No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord."
 

1 Peter 5:7 “Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.”

Don't lose Hope.

I talked to a young woman the other day whose husband of 14 years had recently decided to leave her.  He had informed her that he had fallen in love with someone else.  She was feeling completely overwhelmed as she has two children who are also struggling with the feelings of rejection, abandonment and fear that come with separation or divorce.  All I could do was encourage her that God was not unaware of her circumstances.  I told her that God loved her and wanted to comfort her and her kids in this dark place.  I encouraged her that God held her safely in the palms of his hands. 

   Sometimes people just need to be reminded that God sees their hardship and cares for them.  I remember when I first realized that my previous marriage was not going to survive.  I was overcome with heartbreak, powerlessness and hopelessness.  My life was unravelling, and I had no control over my circumstances.  All I could do was hold on tightly to God through the hard times as I felt like He was my only hope.   As it turns out that was exactly what I needed.  It wasn't just an act of desperation, but it was the one thing I did that helped the most.  I am so thankful that I had faithful Christian friends (Bob, Mike, Steve, Nancy, Ward) that God brought alongside me to encourage me and pray for me when life seemed to be so bleak.  In my case, things turned out far different than I expected.  Although I never expected to be divorced after 25 years of marriage—those were my circumstances.  To compound that, the small business I had opened with my former spouse, wound up closing.  When Havilah’s Boutique closed down and eventually went bankrupt that set off an additional whirlwind of loss.  Much of what I didn’t lose in the divorce—I sold to pay down the staggering business debt that was all I had left of that business.   I had no retirement, no savings, no home and no plan--but I did have hope.  Although I felt like that caricature of the middle aged divorced guy living with his 75 year old mother, I had that small hope that God would still work this out for good in my life because he loves me.  The feeling of hope started small and started building the more that I poured out my heart to God.  The more I pursued God’s heart the more I would see his fingerprints on my life in so many profound ways.  Now, almost 2 years down the road, I have seen such restoration in my life.  I still sometimes sit in stunned amazement at all of the blessings that God has brought into my life.  All the things that I lost have been restored multiple times over.  I married a woman that is truly a gift from God.  I have two stepsons that I adore and it seems like in so many ways God is continuing to lavish me with his love and affection.  For those of you going through the pain of broken relationships right now—don’t lose hope.  If you seek God in the hard places he definitely has the ability to restore relationships that have been broken.  I have heard multiple stories from Christians whose marriages have been restored stronger than ever, even after situations where it seemed like those relationships were over.  I know people who have seen reconciliation with their kids, parents, spouse when they sought after God in the midst of hardship.  Even if your marriage can’t be saved however —God still has a plan for you.  Your heavenly father has this unique ability to bring good things out of even the most traumatic situation.  I'm a shining example of how God can take someones life where circumstances appear hopeless and still rewrite the script and add a happy ending.  I am so thankful that I am learning to be able to trust God's character regardless of how I feel or what I see.  I am also thankful that I have truly learned, in the deepest parts of my heart, that our heavenly father is faithful and he loves his children profoundly.   

Romans 5:5  "And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

Psalm 27:4-5 "One thing have I asked of the LORD, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to inquire in his temple. For he will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble; he will conceal me under the cover of his tent; he will lift me high upon a rock."

Believing without seeing

At different points in my life I’ve been in situations where I encountered things that (at the time) felt completely overwhelming.  Looking back it seems like those situations helped me to begin to comprehend the faithfulness of God.  Many times in the past--people, looking at me from the outside, would assume I had everything together.   Although I legitimately loved God and trusted he would arise and help other people—subconsciously I always expected him to reject or abandon me in the hard times.  Crisis often shook me to the core because it revealed the doubt, pride, lack of faith and fear of rejection that was always there lurking beneath the surface.  When I would encounter hardship I used to panic and spend copious amounts of time in prayer.  I almost felt like if I prayed “hard enough” God might hear me and help.  I was living my spiritual life like a peasant begging for God's notice--unaware that I was one of his beloved children and already had his full attention.  Once my prayers were answered, I would relax again and feel peaceful.  That wasn't because of any legitimate trust in God however, but simply because my circumstances changed.  But is God only good when he gives us things?  Is he only faithful when he answers our prayers the way we want him to?  A few years ago that pattern changed. God was faithful enough to allow the circumstances to come about so that he could address the fear, pain, brokenness and pride that was buried deep in my heart.   At the time God definitely didn’t seem to answer my prayers and my circumstances were unbearable.  In that dark place, however, is where he spoke to my heart and I finally began to understand his profound love for me.  It took losing everything (or so I thought) for me to finally understand in the deepest places-- my heavenly fathers enormous love for me.  You see, once you can praise and trust God even when things are falling apart--then you can be certain you have a firm faith.  Otherwise, your hope is always at the mercy of your circumstances.  A.W. Tozer once said, “It is doubtful whether God can bless a man greatly until He has hurt him deeply.”

John 20:29 - "Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”

Loving our neighbors

It's amazing how people try to justify all kinds of evil behavior. Especially in a divorce--people will justify saying and doing really unkind things without thinking twice.  It's a shame but it seems like concepts such as character, commitment, purity and kindness are even missing in much of the church today.  Often we get so sidetracked on political or doctrinal issues that we forget the simple message that Jesus preached. The message that we should "love the Lord our God with all our hearts, mind, soul and strength-and we should love our neighbors as we love ourselves."   Jesus is coming back for a bride that is spotless and pure. As Christ followers we need to start walking out who God created us to be. Not out of a fear of judgement--but out of a lovesick desire to live our lives to honor our Lord.

Ephesians 5:27 ESV

"So that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish."

Walking by faith

So many times when things get intense we have a tendency of blaming God. We blame him for our bad decision, we blame him when others are cruel to us, we even blame him for the simplest pains of life. Our fear of rejection and past wounded ness cause us to cry out in judgment and attempt to indict God's character based on our circumstances. But our heavenly father loves us. Regardless of how you "feel", he loves you dearly. Even if you don't believe he exists, he still loves you and earnestly desires for you to know him. Instead of blaming God in the future --when things appear to be falling apart, turn to him with your pain and your sorrow. Cast your cares on him because he cares for you.  Trust that God is good and trust in his character regardless of your external circumstances.  And remember our loving heavenly father has unique ability to take the hardest of life's circumstances and bring healing, hope and restoration.

Learning to trust.

There are a whole bunch of steps leading towards spiritual maturity. One of the first is learning to fully trust God with your life. Learning to trust him when things seem bleak and it seems like there's no hope on the horizon. Learning to trust in God's goodness and his love for us-- even though we don't see immediate evidence of that playing out in our lives. One of the next steps toward spiritual maturity,which is much harder, is learning to trust God with our children. Although it's hard when we go through personal trauma, it's exponentially harder when we see our children wounded and hurting.  God is still sovereign and he is still loving however.  He loves our children more than we ever could. He loves them dearly and holds them firmly in the palm of his hand.  Being able to dwell in the peace that comes with that realization is another sign of a maturing relationship with God

"With the comfort we ourselves received from God."

A little over two years ago I went up for prayer after a New Years Eve service at my church (Indy Vineyard).  At the time I felt like my life was spiraling out of control.  My marriage was failing and not only was I dealing with a pending divorce that I desperately didn’t want—but I was also dealing with the financial trauma of a failing business (Havilah's Boutique).  It was hard for me to be hopeful in the midst of all of the pain. loss and rejection that I was feeling.   That evening--the pain was so overwhelming that I almost sprung out of my seat at the end of the service when my Pastor, Randy Gooder, asked anyone needing prayer to come forward.  When I went forward and told the 2 prayer team members about my pending divorce and why I wanted prayer, they were so comforting.  The prayer team members, a married couple, let me know that they had almost gotten divorced themselves a few years prior before God healed their marriage.  I wept as they prayed that God would give me peace and show me his presence.  Walking away from church that evening, I felt God’s hand on my life.  However, I also felt like I was heard, cared for and encouraged by the prayer team members.  It wasn’t long until I volunteered to be on my churches prayer ministry team myself.  Less than a year after I began volunteering as a prayer team member, I had a young woman come up front and ask for prayer about her own pending divorce.  Her husband had left her for another woman and she was feeling both scared and abandoned.  It was awesome to be able to share with her about God faithfully meeting me in that same place.  I and another prayer team member prayed that God would make himself known to her in the midst of her pain.  That God would give her the peace of knowing that He was holding her and her children safely in the palm of His hand.  I also reminded her that regardless of how she felt at present, her heavenly father loved her profoundly.  As we were praying for the young woman --I could tell that God was really touching her heart that day.  It was so reassuring to know that God can still use us in our own brokenness to touch others with his love and mercy.  Like it says in 2 Cor. 1:3-5, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.”

Lonely but never alone.

    Over the last eight months life has changed for me quite a bit. Even something as simple as "dating" has been a learning experience as the last "first date" I had was as a 17 year old. One thing I have learned about myself over the last eight months is that I really don't like being single.  I remember hearing a sermon in the past about the "gift" of singleness.  Now I know that some people are called to live a life of singleness serving Christ and I have tremendous respect for those men and women.  I however am not wired that way.  I remember thinking when I heard that sermon about the gift of singleness, that I would return that gift immediately upon receipt (lol).  That “gift” in my opinion would almost be like receiving the "gift of an IRS tax audit" or the "gift of a receding hairline."  Back then I never thought I would have to experience being single again.  Yet here I am, a single guy, at the age of 48.  Rather unexpectedly I lost my identity as a husband and a provider.   Due to that experience it has been a real process walking through some pretty large foundational changes in both my life and how I view myself.    
    An analogy I would use to illustrate the trauma of losing your spouse--would be to sustain a severe battlefield injury.  Being a Soldier I have had the opportunity to speak to veterans that have been severely injured in combat.  The trauma of divorce to me is like losing your right arm (to the shoulder) in combat.  After losing a limb, I have been told, that often you can still feel your fingers tingling even though your arm is gone.  That phenomenon is called "phantom limb pain" and it's medically documented.  Also people that lose limbs in combat, for quite awhile, forget that the limb is even gone.  It takes awhile before they stop subconsciously attempting to reach out and pick up something with the arm that is no longer there.  
    With divorce (or any loss of a spouse or a child) you may experience similar symptoms.  You might wake up in the morning forgetting that your life has changed.  Whereas you previously had someone to talk to when you got home from work--you now come home to overwhelming silence.  Whereas you previously had someone to sit beside at church--you now find yourself sitting alone.  You even find yourself attending Bible studies, movies or even going to restaurants by yourself.  Something as simple as shopping for groceries can even be painful.  While navigating the aisles near the floral display--that’s when it might hit you that you no longer have anyone to buy flowers for.  
    Regardless of what loss you are experiencing now, remember that although at times you might feel lonely--you are never alone because you have a heavenly father that loves you profoundly. Most importantly, God wants to meet you in that place of loneliness and longing.  Below are a few verses that had been encouraging to me as I walked through the trauma of divorce.

　
　

Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
　

Psalm 68:5-7, “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,
is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.”

Romans 8:35-39 “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: “For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Looking at God through clear eyes.

    I had been contacted recently by friends that have been dealing with everything from the rejection of divorce or marital infidelity to loss of employment and home foreclosure.  I just want to encourage anyone going through hardship right now that your heavenly father is with you in your present situation and has good things planned for you in the future.  Even if you don’t “know” God, He knows you. He sees your adversity and earnestly desires for you to turn to him in your pain.  When we go through suffering sometimes it’s hard to see past the current trauma and understand that God has good things for us.  The reason behind this is often due to our heart believing lies about God that prevent us from accurately viewing his character.  God cares for you as his own dearly beloved child.  He is captivated with you and wants nothing but good things for you.  However we live in a fallen world among broken people (ourselves included) and sometimes pain and hardship is part of this journey.  
    A story that always troubled me in the Bible was the story of Job.  For those of you unfamiliar with Job, he was a very successful and righteous man who despite having almost everything in his life stripped away, still remained faithful to God.  He refused to blame God for his misfortune and refused to see God as anything other than a loving, righteous creator despite what was happening all around him.  I would always read that story and hope that I never had to face any of the hardship Job did.  You see, I didn’t always have a solid trust that God loved me.  I saw him as an angry but emotionally distant deity. And I firmly believed in my heart that God had much more important people to worry about than me.  In fact when things would get hard I not only failed to see God’s presence in my hardship—I would often believe that it was HE that was the cause of my pain.  The lies in my heart prevented me from clearly seeing the one who loved me more than anyone.  In the past if I would simply bounce a check at the bank--I would blame God for my NSF fees (lol). I have found while walking through some of the hardest things I have ever dealt with however, that God is always faithful and he is ever present with us especially in the painful times. He will never abandon you or turn his face away from you.  Remember, it’s God's intent to give you the desires of your heart.  But it’s his even bigger longing that you would understand his great love for you.  I have also found that although things might look dark at present—God has good things planned just around the corner.  One thing I never noticed before while reading the book of Job, was the ending of that story.  I always got stuck thinking about all the tragedy that Job went through.  In the ending of the story however is a short but powerful statement about Job that also applies to those of us "Christ followers" that are experiencing pain and loss in the present.  “The Lord blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the former part.” (Job 42:12). 

“As you know, we count as blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job’s perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.”  James 5:11

Walking in forgiveness

While attending a “Divorce care” class led by my friend Bill Soot’s last week, a question was asked that intrigued me. The subject of the class that week was forgiveness. In the video we were watching—the question asked was “what if I’m not mean or hateful to my ex-husband/wife, but I simply just ignore them? Is that wrong?” The answer given was “not if that’s how you would like God to respond to you.” Of course nobody wants God to ignore THEM. We might mistakenly “feel” like God is ignoring us—but in reality he NEVER does. This is an especially important thing to consider for those of us who have been wounded by the pain and rejection of divorce. The concept of how to respond to those who have hurt us brings up an interesting point. Although there do have to be boundaries, how does the Bible say that God wants us to respond? In Ephesians 4:32 it says, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Another verse that came to my mind is Matthew 5:21 where it says, “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.” My favorite verse pertaining to this subject is probably Romans 12:18, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Sometimes it’s really hard to live in peace with people, especially when we have been hurt. Holding grudges or unforgiveness is not an option for those of us who claim to be Christ followers. Now this doesn’t mean that we have to make ourselves readily accessible to those people who have hurt us in the past. It does however mean that we need to be kind in all situations and treat others like we would like to be treated (regardless of how difficult they are to deal with). This applies whether we are dealing with a rude boss (or employee), an estranged family member or even while dealing with your spouse while in a divorce proceeding in court. One of the many things that defined Jesus public ministry was his revolutionary teaching of loving our enemies and being kind to those who hate us. While we just finished celebrating Jesus’s death and resurrection this past Easter weekend—It is important not to forget that "forgiveness" was one of the central focuses of his teachings. Jesus walked out those teachings while he hung on that cross surrounded by both the leering, mocking crowds that had called for his death as well as the soldiers that nailed him to that cross of wood. Despite those facts, Jesus still said “Father, forgive them for they don’t understand what they’ve done”. If our heart is to follow Jesus, we need to walk out forgiveness in our lives as well.

Matthew 5:43, “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”