WHERE MY HEART IS [NOW]

    While I was getting ready for work a few weeks ago, I started thinking about where my heart is now. I feel like over the last year, God has awakened my previously cold/hard heart and I am experiencing a level of intimacy with God that I had never before experienced.
 For the first time in my adult life I feel like my heart is in a very good place. I’m not shut down any longer and I’m very glad where I’m at with my relationship with God. I started thinking to myself as I got ready for work that morning, “If by dating someone or eventually getting remarried it would in any way dilute what God is doing in my heart right now—would it be worth it?” My conclusion was; “No!” I told God that morning as I stood in front of my bathroom mirror that I would be willing to stay single for the rest of my life if that’s what it took to keep my relationship with Him strong. 
For me to say that (AND believe it) was HUGE! I was always the guy in High School that had to be in a relationship to feel good about myself. When I was single, I would always feel alone and lonely. I would feel like a: “less than.” It was only while in a relationship that I would see myself as complete. I always remember (as a teenager) fearing I would be single and lonely the rest of my life. I got married very young and always found myself mistakenly looking to my spouse for fulfillment much more than I ever looked to God.
 Over the last year though, I have seen my heart change dramatically. And now here I found myself offering that place in my heart that cries out for intimacy to God. I almost felt like Abraham must have felt when he voluntarily offered his precious son, Isaac, not fully certain of the outcome. Abraham was certain however of God’s faithfulness. In my bathroom that morning—while pondering what I was saying, I was also certain that I could trust God and I also knew in the deepest part of my heart that God loves me. This was pretty revolutionary thinking for me. Regardless of what happens in the future, my heart’s intention is to never lose track of my 'First Love’.

Psalm 13:5 " But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation."