Wednesday, July 31, 2013

dropping the masks that we wear




   

Last week a woman had visited my retail store (Soundsational Car Audio) to purchase a stereo for her son’s car. While having her son’s car worked on--she started opening up with me about her life.  While talking, somehow we got onto the topic of Christianity (although I'm sure anybody that knows me wouldn't be surprised by that).  After talking for a while she told me that she had been a long time member of a large church in the area but that she had recently stopped attending. Although she had been a very active member of her women's bible study group for over 10 years, she confided in me that she just couldn't play the game any longer.  She said “if the women in my bible study knew how I really felt or how much of a mess my life was, they would be shocked."  I was saddened by the fact that this woman had been attending this bible study for years yet never felt comfortable opening up with anyone about what was going on in her life.  I then went on and assured her that if she knew what was really going on behind the scenes in many of those women's lives she would also be surprised.

      Why do we hide behind masks in the Church?  The Church should be the one place where it’s safe to be yourself.  Yet instead of being "real", we work hard to project an image of “having it all together” when many times we are simply broken people who have learned to hide our brokenness.  Often times we don't live "authentically" because we are afraid of being judged.  Honestly, around many church folk that's a very real concern.  My personal experience however has shown me that the people that react the most negatively to those of us who try to be transparent--are the people that are working the hardest at keeping their own masks in place.  The problem about hiding who we are inside is the fact that God already knows who we are. He created us and although he knows every flaw that we have--He still loves us dearly. God knows us and loves us profoundly.  He doesn’t want us hiding behind a façade  but instead wants us to take our pain, doubts, fears and weaknesses and lay those things down at his feet. It's God's desire that we would allow his love to transform us from the inside out--not that we simply become religious and look the part.  Change and growth can only occur when we are honest with ourselves.  Isn’t it interesting that the people that were truly honest about their own weakness and failure were the ones that Jesus was attracted to. One of my favorite Bible stories was in Luke 18:9-14, “To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable: “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’ “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’ “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”       

    The best way to stop wearing the mask is to start being authentic with who you are.  When "Christ followers" start being transparent about their pain and weakness while they are in the church, often times something amazing happens.  It gives those other believers around them permission to do the same.  When we start being authentic around non-believers it allows them to not only see that you don't have to be perfect to be a Christian--it also allows them to see the difference that God's presence makes in our lives as he walks us through the hard times.  I'll be intentional right now and I'll start by being transparent about myself.  My life is a mess.  I am broken, lonely and have very few answers.  But the God I serve loves to take broken lives and turn them into something beautiful.  I’m glad I have learned the secret of not hiding my weakness. I’m also grateful that I am part of a church that values being authentic and walking in transparency.  Remember, God does not require that you come to him perfect--He just asks you to come to him. 


Matthew 11:28 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
2 Cor. 12:19, “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

4 comments:

  1. Great read Brian, thanks for penning it. I love that Jesus said that he came to heal the sick, those who needed Him, and yet we as a church all try and pretend like we need Him the least.
    It takes a lot of courage to be transparent and open, but people who are brave enough can offer real hope to the rest of us who are still hiding.
    Great stuff.

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  2. Dawn Lattimore BerAugust 2, 2013 at 2:57 AM

    Being transparent has never been an issue for me; however, being too transparent probably has. People fail to be transparent because they have been taught from others' responses - it's not welcomed. How many times have you been asked, "How are you doing?" Only to quickly find out, they really didn't want to hear anything beyond 'weather' chat. Open up and you are met with remarks, such as, "sorry to hear that" or "I'll be praying for you" (isn't that a favorite one?). Conversation abruptly ended and embarrassed you even opened up to begin with. You quickly get the message....'don't take me literally'. Last year I was speaking at a school and several speakers were there with me in the lounge. We rarely get to see each other. I asked one friend/speaker how she was doing.....four other speakers were part of that conversation. As soon as she started sharing some major things that were going on, the others dropped off like dead flies. I was glad because I wanted to share some things as the Lord led. I've flat out had people tell me "no one cares about your drama". It's true - they don't. Most people have things going on in their life and don't want to be weighed down with someone else's load. The last church I was at, I recall the youth pastor getting up to preach and saying...."Don't ask me to pray for you (to the congregation) because I won't. I won't remember, so don't ask me. Now don't look at me that way....you know if I ask you for prayer you won't be praying for me either." With attitudes like that flowing from the pulpit at times - is it any wonder that people hide their pain and loneliness behind their mask rather than be greeted with apathetic rejection?

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  3. Dawn, I agree with you 100%. Many people in the church get uncomfortable when we are transparent. They mistakenly interpret it as weakness or being needy. I feel that the reason they can't respond is because they are trying so hard to keep their own facades in place. I'm sorry that you were at a church where someone in leadership wouldn't pray for those who asked. There must have been some disconnect in his heart to prompt him to give a sermon like that? I make it a practice to always pray for people immediately whenever they ask for prayer. Being very A.D.D. and easily distracted--I know I'd forget if I don't pray for people on the spot. What's been interesting for me as I have walked through the loss, rejection and financial trauma of divorce is I've found that as I've started being very authentic with where I'm at in my life--I've had people both inside and outside of church start approaching me and being honest with their own pain and fear. If by me being weak it allows me to minister to others more effectively--than I pray that God continues to use my brokenness for his glory. :)

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  4. Apparently He has and is - both directly and indirectly:)

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"It's easy to be a "Christian" when life is good. The real sign of a person's relationship with Jesus is who they are when things are hard and it seems like life is falling apart." ~Brian