Broken People for His Purposes

 Over the last few years I have been really encouraged as I've seen substantial growth in my walk with Jesus. Even though I have gone through some pretty tremendous trauma I have been excited about the fruit that it has borne in my life and was beginning to feel like in some sense I had almost “arrived” spiritually (whatever that means?) That was until this weekend. It became very clear to me that I have yet another “glaring” blind spot in my walk with Jesus that I never noticed or chose to acknowledge. It’s always easy to feel good about ourselves when our measuring stick of “righteousness” is either ourselves in the past or others around us. Lately I had been contrasting where I am at currently with where I was at just a few years ago—and was feeling pretty contented. But along came this weekend. 

   While on a long road trip this past Saturday, God showed me my “righteousness” compared to His son’ and it became readily apparent to me that although I had started to feel like I was well down the path on my journey toward being “Christ-like”-- in reality I had barely left the starting line. Initially I felt overwhelming sadness and self-condemnation at how far I am from being who I desire to be (and whom I desire to follow). Here I am again—brutally made aware of my own weakness and lack. I’m a middle aged man that had wasted so many years unaware of how shut down I was. Here I am, again seeing more issues in my own heart that I had previously refused to look at. While pondering these revelations, I was reminded of a certain Passover (Pesach) tradition. Coming from a Jewish ancestry this holiday was always special for me as a teenager. This was also obviously an important holiday for Jesus as well, as He was celebrating Passover with his friends (the disciples) the night before his crucifixion. In fact, the “Last Supper” was actually a Passover “Seder” where we celebrate the release of the Hebrew nation from their captivity in Egypt. In the same way that the Hebrews ate unleavened bread (Matza) in their haste to leave Egypt—so modern observant Jewish families avoid leaven (yeast) during the Passover holiday. There is a certain part of Passover preparation called the “Bedikat Chametz” that came to my mind. After disposing of all leavened bread, rolls, buns, etc. in the household—the Bedikat Chametz is the ceremonial practice of searching for and disposing of any hidden “leaven” (yeast) that might still be remaining in the house. Speaking of this Passover tradition, In 1 Corinthians 5:6-8 it says, “Your boasting is not good. Don’t you know that a little yeast leavens the whole batch of dough? Get rid of the old yeast, so that you may be a new unleavened batch—as you really are. For Christ, our Passover lamb, has been sacrificed. Therefore let us keep the Festival, not with the old bread leavened with malice and wickedness, but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth.”

   I almost wondered if my sudden “revelation of my brokenness and sin was kind of like God’s “Bedikat Chametz” of my heart. I feel that God brought those things up because they are places deep down that He wanted to address so that I can walk in complete freedom. They are also areas in my life that Christ died to forgive. God simply gave me a clear picture of the things that Christ had already borne for me on the cross. On that drive home this past Saturday when my own brokenness and selfishness became clear to me, I almost wondered if God could ever use my life in any capacity? But God revels in using broken things (and broken people) for His purposes. Although really discouraging at the time, I am now grateful that God revealed to me more areas in my life that could potentially interfere with my ability to hear His voice in my life clearly. I am also happy that He helped me acknowledge the things that I was shown. I am now praying that God will continue to expose all those remaining hidden things in my life as well as those wounded areas of my heart that still need to be addressed. But I also asked Him to be gentle about it.

Psalm 139:23-24 "Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!"