"Before He formed us in the womb, He knew us."

   

  
    In the winter of 1964 a young unmarried 18 year old girl found out she was pregnant.  Originally from the hills of Kentucky, this young girl came from a hard working but impoverished family on the east side of Indianapolis.  Her family life wasn't ideal and she had already given birth to her first child at barely 17 years old.  The man she had been sleeping with this time was a 44 year old married man who happened to be the landlord who owned the home where the girl lived with her parents, four siblings and her 1 year old son.  He had started pursuing her shortly after she had her first child.  Needless to say, being pregnant again was not good news.  The birth father was a prominent Jewish businessman in the area.  In addition to being her families’ landlord and owning multiple properties in her neighborhood, he also owned a used car lot where the girl’s dad would work whenever her dad was in between jobs.  Both of her parents struggled with alcoholism and it affected his ability to hold a job.  Her dad's ability to work at the car lot on occasion was critical to their families survival.  

    Now, this was in an era where child support laws were just about nonexistent and DNA testing to prove paternity hadn’t even been developed yet.  The girl didn’t want her parents to find out about this pregnancy and she was even more concerned about what her father would do if he found out who the baby's father was.  Fearful and not knowing where to turn, the young girl approached her landlord (The birth father) informing him that she was pregnant and letting him know that he was the only person she was sleeping with.  He immediately scheduled her for an appointment with a doctor he knew and paid all the fees up front.  The appointment was after “normal hours” and she was initially told that she was there for a simple checkup/physical and a pregnancy test.  This took place a full 8 years before Roe vs. Wade was decided.  Although abortion was not legal at that time, and not talked about, it still took place.  Most people in that era viewed abortion as unethical; however, it still happened due to the huge social stigma attached to having a child out of wedlock.  In her case, the social and financial repercussions of having a second child were almost overwhelming.     

    She was dropped off at the doctor’s office that evening by her landlord.  While at the office she had a long talk with the doctor.  During her conversation with the doctor, despite the fear and uncertainty she felt, she made the choice to walk out of the office and not have the “procedure”. She felt a strong tug on her heart to carry the child within her to full term despite knowing the implications of that decision.  I completely believe that God guided her decision that evening.  She went back home late that evening and concealed her pregnancy from her parents for the entire term by wearing loose clothing.  The child was eventually born in her bedroom in May of 1965.  Even after she delivered the 8lb 11 oz. baby boy-- she refused to tell her parents who the father was because of fear of the negative implications that revelation could have led to.  Her delivery was quick and the child was born within a few hours.  He was named “Kevin” by his birth mother.  Upon seeing the blood soaked sheets on her bed and hearing the crying of the unexpected arrival --her parent’s immediately called for an ambulance.  The girl and her new baby boy were taken to the local hospital.  At the hospital, the baby was quickly whisked away to be checked out and he then given up for adoption by the family. 

    “Kevin” was in the foster system for the first four months of his life.  His adoptive parents got custody of him from Marion County Child Welfare through their foster to adopt program.  His adoptive mother had previously had two miscarriages and she and her husband had unsuccessfully been trying to have a child for years.  The couple had previously applied to become adoptive parents and when they were notified that a four month old baby boy was available for adoption, she was overjoyed as she desperately wanted a child.  They got custody of the baby boy and they immediately named their new son “Brian”.  His adoption was eventually finalized at 18 months old.  Two years later; they adopted their second child--a little girl they named Andrea.   

    The baby boy in this story is me.  I was adopted into a home with a Christian mother and I knew I was adopted for as long as I can remember.  It was never a secret with my family.  Although growing up I dealt with some of the feelings of rejection that are common among adopted children, I never wondered whether my mom loved me.  She was always so joyful as a mom (and now a grandmother), and it showed.  She poured her life into motherhood.  My mom, Mary Anne Wignall, always raised me knowing that God had a purpose for my life and that he brought me into her family.  My maternal grandparents, Bob and Evelyn Logan, loved me as well and also instilled in me the truth that God loved me and had a plan for my life.  I grew up knowing from a young age that God’s hand was on my life and always believed he was their for me whenever I called.  Through different hardships growing up, (including my parents divorce and later my grandfather's passing), I always knew God was there for me and that he cared for me. 

    At age 38, I got to meet my birth mother for the first time.  Ever since I was a teenager I wanted to meet her some day and thank her for making the hard decision to not have me aborted.  I also wanted to share with her about my personal relationship with Jesus and about all the times that God had made himself known to me over the years.  I was able to share those things with her, and she shared with me that I had an older brother, Tony.  I always wanted a big brother growing up and I was excited to find out that I had one.  My half-brother Tony and I are still in contact and have become very good friends.  It’s surprising how similarly we process things.  He has also been on a journey of learning to follow Jesus and has also seen God’s fingerprint on his life in some pretty profound ways.

   
    At age 47,  I got to meet my biological father and paternal half-brother.  Although I met with him on three occasions and he contacted me by phone once, the relationship with my biological father hasn’t continued at his request.  Interestingly enough, my paternal uncle and paternal nephew had previously been customers at my retail store, Soundsational.  I had met both of them years earlier, although at that time none of us were aware of the biological relationship. 

    My life has taken some odd twists and turns, but I’m so glad that I had the opportunity to live, grow up and go on to have my own family.  I love being a father to 5 children, and I look forward to being a Grandfather in the future.  I’m so glad that my birth mother didn’t have the abortion that evening and went through the difficult decisions both to give birth to me and then to give me up to a family better prepared to raise me.  Most importantly though I'm thankful that I serve a heavenly father that loves us profoundly and has made his presence known to me since I was a small child. 

Psalm 139:16-19   "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.  Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

Thankful on Thanksgiving 2016

  

  As I sit here celebrating Thanksgiving  with my family, I think of the numerous things I have to be thankful for this year.  It wasn't that long ago, however, that I vividly remember a Thanksgiving when I struggled to find anything to be thankful for.  At that time in my life I had just found out that my previous marriage of 25 years was over and the rejection that came with that realization was overwhelming.  Additionally, my finances were a shamble and I was forced into moving in with my mom as I had nowhere else to go.  Our family business (Havilah's Boutique) was on the verge of bankruptcy, our beautiful home in Fishers was in the process of foreclosure and I seemed to be surrounded by nothing but loss.  My time was divided between attempting to negotiate with debt collectors, working three jobs, and mourning the loss of my family.   I felt like a complete failure in life and I had very little hope that things would get better.  Honestly, If there was ever a time in my life that I wanted to just give up on life—it was then. 
    That thanksgiving I made a conscious decision, however, to be thankful despite all the trauma around me.  I started listing off all the things that I could be thankful for.  At that time my list was pretty short:  I was thankful that I had all my teeth, I was thankful that I did a great Sylvester Stallone imitation, that I had a functional vehicle (my high mileage 1998 Dodge Grand caravan that burned oil and smoked heavily when it was running).    One thing on my list that stood out however was I was thankful that God was good and I knew that my heavenly father loved me.  Although I didn’t feel very loved at that time, and I didn't see much evidence of that fact, nevertheless I held on to that hope.  I really was thankful that God loved me and I decided to intentionally place my trust in him because I had no one else to turn to.  

    It’s four years later now and life is so much different.  I feel like God has restored everything I lost plus even more.  I now have a wonderful/loving wife (Heather) whom I adore and who makes life fun.  She's beautiful both inside and out and challenges me in my relationship with God, daily.  I'm so thankful for Heather and so glad for the great relationship she has with all my kids.  She is such a great partner on this journey.  I'm thankful that my children are all doing wonderfully and I’m so proud of them all.  I'm thankful that my oldest son, Izzy, just announced his engagement to his lovely fiancée (Kellie) whom I’m honored to have as my future daughter in law.  I'm thankful for my two step sons, Ryan and Lucas.  They are both awesome kids whom I now have the privilege of helping mentor and develop into the men that God has called them to be.  I'm thankful for the Ferguson clan (The family I married into.)  My father and mother in law are both former missionaries who made me immediately feel like part of their family.  Claude (my father in law) is a former Marine with a great sense of humor and in a relatively short time we’ve become great friends.  His wife, Jan, is one of the sweetest Christian women I've ever met and she has this gift for making everyone feel welcome.  I'm thankful for Heather's siblings.  The first time we all got together I just felt like we fit together so well and I’m so grateful for all of the cool brother and sister's in law and awesome nieces and nephews that I now have in my extended family.  Even financially it seems like I’ve experienced complete restoration.  Both of our businesses (Soundsational and my job as a real estate broker for FC Tucker) have been doing exceptionally well and I’m thankful for the abundant blessings I see all around me.  Most importantly however I’m thankful that I know in the deepest part of my heart that God is good,  he loves us profoundly, and he is always with us despite whatever life circumstances we might face.  Feeling exceedingly grateful this thanksgiving season.     

(Psalm 28:6-7)  “Praise be to the Lord, for he has heard my cry for mercy. The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song” 

(Psalm 30:1-12)  “I will exalt you, O Lord, for you lifted me out of the depths and did not let my enemies gloat over me. O Lord my God, I called to you for help and you healed me. O Lord, you brought me up from the grave; you spared me from going down into the pit. . . . You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever” 

O Tidings Of Comfort And Joy.

    I just found out this morning that my lovely cousin Lori, died last night.  She leaves behind two beautiful daughters whom she loved dearly.  I have been praying ever since I was notified --that God would make his presence known to both of her girls and the rest of our family during this difficult time.   It has really caused me to think about those among us currently going through loss and how that hardship is often amplified by the festivities of the Christmas season.  Instead of a time of joy, often Christmas becomes a time when that loss becomes even more apparent.    

    It wasn’t but a few short years ago that I was going into the Christmas holiday facing my own personal loss.  I had just been hit with the reality of a pending divorce (after 25 years of marriage).  This combined with broken family relationships, the loss of our home, bankruptcy of our business, and the loss of any retirement savings we had, led to a feeling of hopelessness that seemed overwhelming.  I remember on Christmas that year, after dropping presents off for my kids, I just sat and wept in my car in stunned disbelief at the chaos that was going on in my life.   Things were falling apart all around me and I remember feeling completely powerless, broken and weak.  It was in that place however, that I cried out to God and He met me in my brokenness.  He heard my prayers and made his presence known to me in so many tangible ways.  Looking back on that period of my life, I’m aware of how gently God spoke to me through some of the people he placed in my life.  I remember how my heavenly father encouraged me and let me know that I wasn’t alone, regardless of how I felt at the time. 
   
    Over the last 3 years I’ve seen God bless me with my beautiful new wife, Heather, and her two awesome sons.  I’ve changed careers and am now working with some wonderful people as a realtor/broker with the F.C. Tucker Company.  I’ve seen my relationship with my kids grow stronger than it even was.  I’ve seen restoration in every area of my life and am so thankful that I serve a God that loves me and cares about those of us who are hurting.  For those of you facing hardship this Christmas season, just remember that God loves you and wants to be there for you if you call out to him.  He understands pain and loss and wants to meet you in that broken place and comfort you with his love and presence.  If you turn your heart towards your loving heavenly father--even if you don’t feel that comfort right now—it’s coming.  I want to leave everyone with a few verses about God’s love and comfort. 

Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” 

Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Psalm 27:13  "I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living." 

John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.”

John 16:33: "I have told you these things so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But be of good cheer. I have overcome the world."

Romans 8:37-39: "No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, neither angels nor principalities nor powers, neither things present nor things to come, neither height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

God is faithful.

I have been through almost overwhelming hardship and I've been through periods of tremendous blessing.  I can tell you that the good times were always more fun.  Regardless of what was going on however, God was always faithful to me despite any outside circumstances.  My thought for the day.

thought for the day.

It is a false gospel when people see suffering as evidence of the displeasure of God.  We live in a fallen world full of broken people, and hardship and suffering happens.  Often times it seems like life is falling apart all around us and it's easy to lose hope.  I have learned however that our heavenly father sees our pain, he loves us, and he is always able to bring good from the most painful situation if we simply trust in him.  My thought for tonight. 

The "lie" of hopelessness and despair.

 

I recently got a late night phone call from an old high school friend that wanted to talk.  One of his friends from childhood had recently committed suicide and he was trying to make sense of it all.  We both wondered what kind of deep issue was his friend dealing with that made him feel so hopeless that he decided suicide was the best way to end the pain?  We were on the phone for quite a while that evening, with me doing a lot of listening.  The thought struck me as we were talking, how many people going through hardship get to that point of complete hopelessness and despair?  I know there have been a few times in the recent past where I was close to feeling hopeless.  Just a few short years ago my life had been torn down to the studs and I felt completely overwhelmed as everything around me seemed to be spiraling out of control.  It was in that place however that I cried out to God.  And God met me in my sorrow and hardship and made His presence tangibly known in so many little ways.  Seeing his fingerprint in my life in even small ways gave me hope.  Even in the hardest times I learned that God was good and even though I was powerless in my situation—he wasn’t.  Looking back on that time I  am so grateful for all the tremendous blessings in my life currently.  I feel like God has completely restored all the things I had lost.  I am thankful that I finally learned the secret that no matter what hardship I am facing, God loves me and holds me safely in the palm of his hands.  If you are going through hardship and trauma in your life right now and are feeling overwhelmed—just know that God is not unaware of your situation.  Whether you are going through divorce, the death of a spouse or child, loss of a job, a terminal cancer diagnosis, or any other hardship--God loves you and he hasn't forgotten your pain.  The scriptures say that "nothing can ever separate us from God's love".  Your heavenly father wants you to cry out to him and let HIM be your comforter. He wants you to lean on his strong shoulders and know that he has everything under control if you will just turn to him and trust him.  Below are a couple of scriptures that gave me hope in the hard times.

Psalm 27:13 “I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living.”


Romans 8:35-39 "Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”) No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.   And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.  No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord."
 

1 Peter 5:7 “Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.”

Grateful!

Sitting at vineyard (church) today with my beautiful wife and two stepsons while watching my oldest son lead worship. The thought occurred to me while I was worshipping--that our Heavenly Father is amazing!! How incredible is God that he can take our brokenness and pain and bring about such beauty and joy. I'm so grateful that I serve a God who's heart is "to comfort those who mourn and provide for those who grieve." Feeling very grateful.

Don't lose Hope.

I talked to a young woman the other day whose husband of 14 years had recently decided to leave her.  He had informed her that he had fallen in love with someone else.  She was feeling completely overwhelmed as she has two children who are also struggling with the feelings of rejection, abandonment and fear that come with separation or divorce.  All I could do was encourage her that God was not unaware of her circumstances.  I told her that God loved her and wanted to comfort her and her kids in this dark place.  I encouraged her that God held her safely in the palms of his hands. 

   Sometimes people just need to be reminded that God sees their hardship and cares for them.  I remember when I first realized that my previous marriage was not going to survive.  I was overcome with heartbreak, powerlessness and hopelessness.  My life was unravelling, and I had no control over my circumstances.  All I could do was hold on tightly to God through the hard times as I felt like He was my only hope.   As it turns out that was exactly what I needed.  It wasn't just an act of desperation, but it was the one thing I did that helped the most.  I am so thankful that I had faithful Christian friends (Bob, Mike, Steve, Nancy, Ward) that God brought alongside me to encourage me and pray for me when life seemed to be so bleak.  In my case, things turned out far different than I expected.  Although I never expected to be divorced after 25 years of marriage—those were my circumstances.  To compound that, the small business I had opened with my former spouse, wound up closing.  When Havilah’s Boutique closed down and eventually went bankrupt that set off an additional whirlwind of loss.  Much of what I didn’t lose in the divorce—I sold to pay down the staggering business debt that was all I had left of that business.   I had no retirement, no savings, no home and no plan--but I did have hope.  Although I felt like that caricature of the middle aged divorced guy living with his 75 year old mother, I had that small hope that God would still work this out for good in my life because he loves me.  The feeling of hope started small and started building the more that I poured out my heart to God.  The more I pursued God’s heart the more I would see his fingerprints on my life in so many profound ways.  Now, almost 2 years down the road, I have seen such restoration in my life.  I still sometimes sit in stunned amazement at all of the blessings that God has brought into my life.  All the things that I lost have been restored multiple times over.  I married a woman that is truly a gift from God.  I have two stepsons that I adore and it seems like in so many ways God is continuing to lavish me with his love and affection.  For those of you going through the pain of broken relationships right now—don’t lose hope.  If you seek God in the hard places he definitely has the ability to restore relationships that have been broken.  I have heard multiple stories from Christians whose marriages have been restored stronger than ever, even after situations where it seemed like those relationships were over.  I know people who have seen reconciliation with their kids, parents, spouse when they sought after God in the midst of hardship.  Even if your marriage can’t be saved however —God still has a plan for you.  Your heavenly father has this unique ability to bring good things out of even the most traumatic situation.  I'm a shining example of how God can take someones life where circumstances appear hopeless and still rewrite the script and add a happy ending.  I am so thankful that I am learning to be able to trust God's character regardless of how I feel or what I see.  I am also thankful that I have truly learned, in the deepest parts of my heart, that our heavenly father is faithful and he loves his children profoundly.   

Romans 5:5  "And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

Psalm 27:4-5 "One thing have I asked of the LORD, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to inquire in his temple. For he will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble; he will conceal me under the cover of his tent; he will lift me high upon a rock."

Believing without seeing

At different points in my life I’ve been in situations where I encountered things that (at the time) felt completely overwhelming.  Looking back it seems like those situations helped me to begin to comprehend the faithfulness of God.  Many times in the past--people, looking at me from the outside, would assume I had everything together.   Although I legitimately loved God and trusted he would arise and help other people—subconsciously I always expected him to reject or abandon me in the hard times.  Crisis often shook me to the core because it revealed the doubt, pride, lack of faith and fear of rejection that was always there lurking beneath the surface.  When I would encounter hardship I used to panic and spend copious amounts of time in prayer.  I almost felt like if I prayed “hard enough” God might hear me and help.  I was living my spiritual life like a peasant begging for God's notice--unaware that I was one of his beloved children and already had his full attention.  Once my prayers were answered, I would relax again and feel peaceful.  That wasn't because of any legitimate trust in God however, but simply because my circumstances changed.  But is God only good when he gives us things?  Is he only faithful when he answers our prayers the way we want him to?  A few years ago that pattern changed. God was faithful enough to allow the circumstances to come about so that he could address the fear, pain, brokenness and pride that was buried deep in my heart.   At the time God definitely didn’t seem to answer my prayers and my circumstances were unbearable.  In that dark place, however, is where he spoke to my heart and I finally began to understand his profound love for me.  It took losing everything (or so I thought) for me to finally understand in the deepest places-- my heavenly fathers enormous love for me.  You see, once you can praise and trust God even when things are falling apart--then you can be certain you have a firm faith.  Otherwise, your hope is always at the mercy of your circumstances.  A.W. Tozer once said, “It is doubtful whether God can bless a man greatly until He has hurt him deeply.”

John 20:29 - "Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”

Learning to trust

As I've grown older Ive just started to learn to trust God in the really hard places. For it's in those places where our faith is really tested and refined. As I look back-- the times when I felt the most lonely, rejected, fearful and abandoned are the times when God made himself known to me in the most tangible ways. During the periods in my life where things just weren't going according to "my plans", I discovered that despite my fears God had much better plans for me. If you are going through hard times right now, call out to your heavenly father. He loves you and wants to make his presence known in your life. - Brian

The God portrayed by Hollywood.

Last night my wife, Heather and I saw the movie "Noah" for the first time. I can't believe the amount of money and talent that was wasted making this. The reason I didn't like it wasn't because of the plethora of literary inaccuracies such as rock monsters, magic beans, or ancient Canaanites wearing welding masks or battling with rocket launchers. The reason that I didn't like it wasn't that Noah was portrayed as a complete raving homicidal maniac. The real reason I didn't like the movie was because of the inaccurate way it portrayed God. Although Gods judgement is definately a part of the story of Noah--God was portrayed in this movie as a divine being that got frustrated with mankind and our sin that he simply abandoned us. The movie portrayed God as being so thoroughly disgusted with all of mankind and our violent tendencies that he became completely ambivalent towards human beings. I was offended by that portrayal because the God I have grown to love is anything but ambivalent. He loves us profoundly and cares deeply for every aspect of our lives. He is the God that hears us when we cry out to him and yearns to comfort us in our pain. He is our loving heavenly father who loves us in spite of our brokenness and rejoices in who we are. I'm so glad that I've gotten to know the "real creator" that Jesus spoke about--Instead of the vacant deity being portrayed in this movie.

God loves broken things

 

I read this post and I had to share it. It is a very powerful reminder about our Heavenly Father. Even more powerful for me is the fact that it was written by my oldest son, Israel.

 

 "God loves taking the broken things inside of us and turning them into a beautiful tapestry for His glory. Don't be afraid of your past or your brokenness--Jesus is excited to show you His love while He walks you through the process of healing your heart."  #mythoughtstonight

Walking in Authenticity

What the world needs is authentic Christians that walk in a humble, transparent dependence on God. In the past i have had well intentioned Christians try to tell me that we need to only verbalize our victories and  not speak about our failures and pain.  I have been told that we need to "positively confess" what we want to see going on in our lives--and not the reality (if that reality is painful).  I understand the belief in positive confession but anyone reading the Psalms can see the struggles, doubts, sadness and questioning that David went through in walking out his relationship with God.  Yet, in the midst of hardship and grief he didn't pretend that everything was OK.  Instead he verbalized his trust in God despite his circumstances. How can those around us going through hardship feel like they can even relate to Christians (and subsequently Christianity) when every Christian they meet is working so hard to keep the mask on? Personally I've been through joyful times but I've also been through suffering and pain in life. Throughout everything though my loving Heavenly Father held me securely in the palm of his hand. We need more believers to be bold enough when facing hardship to say "my life is a mess, I'm broken and grieving--yet despite what I see, I chose to trust God knowing that he loves me and is faithful."  Being a Christian doesn't mean that we will never face trauma or pain. It simply means that we have hope in the fact that God loves us, He will never leave us, and He will bring blessing out of the adversity.  If we aren't transparent with our struggles--we will never be relatable to a lost and hurting world

Our Amazing God

1. 
   The amazing thing about having a relationship with God is how he's always there for us whether we "feel" his presence or not. Because of the sacrifice of Jesus, we can now approach God directly. I'm so glad I can walk through life with the confidence of always knowing that my loving heavenly father holds me securely in his hands. Nothing ever takes him by surprise or catches him unaware. Most ...importantly, he has this amazing ability to take life situations and circumstances that seem impossible and eventually bring blessings out of trauma. This morning if you're facing hardship or life seems out-of-control--share your heart with your heavenly father. He loves you, he earnestly wants to hear from you, and most importantly he is our source of help and refuge.

Loving our neighbors

It's amazing how people try to justify all kinds of evil behavior. Especially in a divorce--people will justify saying and doing really unkind things without thinking twice.  It's a shame but it seems like concepts such as character, commitment, purity and kindness are even missing in much of the church today.  Often we get so sidetracked on political or doctrinal issues that we forget the simple message that Jesus preached. The message that we should "love the Lord our God with all our hearts, mind, soul and strength-and we should love our neighbors as we love ourselves."   Jesus is coming back for a bride that is spotless and pure. As Christ followers we need to start walking out who God created us to be. Not out of a fear of judgement--but out of a lovesick desire to live our lives to honor our Lord.

Ephesians 5:27 ESV

"So that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish."

A crown of beauty instead of ashes

Over the last 2 years I’ve experienced a lot of change in my life.  Much of it, I didn’t desire at the time.  When I was served with divorce papers after being married for 25 years—I initially felt like a 2,000 lb boulder just landed on my chest.  When the additional realization hit that I was also facing the failure of our family business (Havilah’s Boutique) and the loss of my home and financial security I felt like my life was over.  It felt like my best days were long behind me.  The combination of shock, sadness and rejection was overwhelming.  Yet, I made the conscious decision to trust in Gods’ goodness.  Although I didn’t understand the hardship around me—I did understand and believe that God loved me and held me safely in the palm of his hand.  Sometimes when it appears like you’ve lost everything—you discover that Christ is all you need.  Over the last 2 years I’ve seen God’s hand at work in my life in so many ways.  I’ve seen him faithfully working in my children’s lives as they’ve walked through this hard season as well.  I’ve seen my relationship with my children grow stronger than it’s ever been.  I’ve seen Gods provision in allowing me to purchase a new car (as my older car was breaking down) and move into a home even though my credit was damaged severely.  Last year I saw God bring a beautiful woman and her 2 sons into my life.  The more we got to know each other it became apparent we both seemed to be on the same frequency --as she had also learned to depend on God as she went through her own journey through loss and pain.  She (Heather) had also lost her spouse, although not through divorce but through a fatal traffic accident.  As many of you know, Heather and I got engaged a few weeks back.  I’m so excited to spend the rest of my life with this lovely woman and her amazing sons.  I dearly love them and I fully believe God has brought us together.  Now, instead of feeling my best days are behind me--instead I’m looking forward to the all the neat adventures that God has in store for us in the future.  If you are currently going through hardship and trauma—pour out your grief before God.  He loves you and wants to take the hardship and pain in your life and create something beautiful out of it.  In the book of Isaiah it says that it’s God’s desire to comfort those of us that mourn and to bestow on us a crown of beauty instead of ashes.  Im so grateful that I serve a God that hears our prayers, comforts us in our pain and dearly loves his children.     

 

Isaiah 61:1-3

 “The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor.  He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise     instead of a spirit of despair.  They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.”

Learning to look and listen.

With marriages it’s so important to communicate with your spouse.  Communication includes both speaking and listening.  Isn’t it interesting however that when it pertains to our relationship with God that communication is often 1 way.  We cry out to God when we are hurting or in need—but how often do we truly listen for his voice?  How often do we intently search to hear and see God communicating with us?  What if God desired to speak to us every day but we simply weren’t hearing him because we weren’t listening?  What if God was speaking to us through our dreams and our imagination yet we never realized it as we mistakenly assume that these things were all coming from within us.  What if he is conversing to us through the unusual coincidences in our lives—yet we analytically brush them off?  In 1 Kings 19:11-13, it states The Lord said (to Elijah), “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by. ‘Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake.  After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire.  And after the fire came a gentle whisper.   When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.  Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”  It’s interesting that God was not speaking to Elijah through a loud booming voice that came to him amidst the tornado, earthquake or the fire.  He instead spoke to the prophet through a gentle whisper.  This whisper was also referred to as a “still, small voice”.  It was such a slight whisper that it almost might not been noticed if Elijah wasn’t intently listening for Gods’ voice.  What if part of our mission as Christ followers is to scrutinize the scripture to learn about God and his character so that when we hear that gentle whisper from God we can identify it as coming from our beloved heavenly father?  What if another part of our mission is to learn how to see and hear God’s voice and prompting in our lives?  To learn to listen intently so that when he speaks we hear him.  Jesus said in John 10:27, that “My sheep listen to my voice, I know them and they follow me.”  Most of us need to start talking less and listening (and looking) more when communicating with God.  Jesus said his sheep listen to his voice.  Well, fellow sheep, we better start listening.        

 

Proverbs 25:2 - It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings.

John 10:1-5  “Very truly I tell you Pharisees, anyone who does not enter the sheep pen by the gate, but climbs in by some other way, is a thief and a robber. The one who enters by the gate is the shepherd of the sheep. The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger’s voice.”

another post on trust

One of the biggest lessons I have learned over the last year was to trust in God’s goodness even when my external circumstances seem bleak.  I have been learning how to be able to trust that God is good and that he loves me despite how I might feel.  I might not understand why things might be happening at any given point in my life—but I do fully believe that God is good and is always working things out for the good in my life.  Part of maturing in our relationship with God is learning to understand who God is, how he feels about us and who we are created to be.  The next step in the process of maturing is learning to aggressively hold on to those truths.  My relationship with God was supercharged during those times when I encountered hardships and heart break, but instead of getting bitter decided to turn to God amidst my pain.  It was in those times I have seen God both build character in me while simultaneously teaching me to trust and depend even more deeply in him.  Learning to depend on God in hardship is critical.  Without trauma and hardship to refine our hearts it would almost be like the person who studies about military tactics, watches Army movies on TV, gets an Army tattoo and even purchases an old Army uniform on Amazon.  although they might look the part--until they actually enlist in the military, and go through the hardship of training (or engage in battle) —they  won’t really be a soldier.   I have also just started to learn that when we trust God’s goodness rather than our own abilities, provision, etc—it invites him to intervene in our life and work things out for our ultimate best.  I think living a lifestyle of dependence on God is the ideal way of submitting to his lordship in our lives.  True faith in God is being able to say, “Lord, I don’t understand why this is all happening—but I still choose to trust you knowing that you love me.”        

Walking by faith

So many times when things get intense we have a tendency of blaming God. We blame him for our bad decision, we blame him when others are cruel to us, we even blame him for the simplest pains of life. Our fear of rejection and past wounded ness cause us to cry out in judgment and attempt to indict God's character based on our circumstances. But our heavenly father loves us. Regardless of how you "feel", he loves you dearly. Even if you don't believe he exists, he still loves you and earnestly desires for you to know him. Instead of blaming God in the future --when things appear to be falling apart, turn to him with your pain and your sorrow. Cast your cares on him because he cares for you.  Trust that God is good and trust in his character regardless of your external circumstances.  And remember our loving heavenly father has unique ability to take the hardest of life's circumstances and bring healing, hope and restoration.

Learning to trust.

There are a whole bunch of steps leading towards spiritual maturity. One of the first is learning to fully trust God with your life. Learning to trust him when things seem bleak and it seems like there's no hope on the horizon. Learning to trust in God's goodness and his love for us-- even though we don't see immediate evidence of that playing out in our lives. One of the next steps toward spiritual maturity,which is much harder, is learning to trust God with our children. Although it's hard when we go through personal trauma, it's exponentially harder when we see our children wounded and hurting.  God is still sovereign and he is still loving however.  He loves our children more than we ever could. He loves them dearly and holds them firmly in the palm of his hand.  Being able to dwell in the peace that comes with that realization is another sign of a maturing relationship with God