One of the hardest things to learn in following Jesus, are the concepts of “dying to self” and “loving your enemies”. One thing that I feel God has been teaching me lately is the importance of “dying to self”. The dead have no rights and find no need to defend themselves. When I started coming to the realization of what it really meant to die to self, it became easier (although still not easy) to be kind to those who were being unkind to me. Jesus is glorified when we begin to live in that reality though because it is so contrary to the way that we are wired. It is a natural human reaction when someone personally attacks us (whether emotionally or physically) to fight back. Now I am not in ANY way advocating anyone to stay in a physically abusive relationship. What I am saying however is that when we react with kindness to those who are being vicious to us —that is when people will see Christ being active in our lives. For those of us who have had to process through the pain and rejection of divorce this can be a hard road to travel. I recently spoke to a church friend about her mistreatment at the hands of her ex-husband. She is a Christian and was struggling with how to react towards her ex. Her ex husband had been very cruel, manipulative and accusing when dealing with her. He had slandered her to both family friends as well as to their children. It was her natural tendency to go on the attack whenever she had to interact with him. She would feel the desire to lash out, retaliate, threaten, and defend herself against his verbal attacks and accusations. My counsel to her was simply to “be kind” in any and all interactions with him. If he got verbally abusive on the phone, I told her she should end the call. But I encouraged her that under no circumstances should she allow herself to get baited into responding on his level. Did her ex husband deserve her kindness? Absolutely not! This guy was being a complete jerk. But in showing kindness instead of venom she was taking the moral high ground and honoring God. Now this does not mean we have no boundaries when dealing with abusive people. What it does mean is we have decided to react in ways that glorify God and show kindness to those who are undeserving (realizing that we all are undeserving of God’s kindness and mercy). When we decide to follow Christ, we give up our rights to retaliate in order to defend our own dignity. When we defend our honor by retaliating against those who hurl insults our way—we minimize the reality of Christ in our lives. Black athletes during the civil rights era understood this concept. People like Jackie Robinson knew that if they retaliated it would simply give justification to their attackers that they were correct in their false assumptions. Instead, like Jesus, Jackie showed through his gentle dignity that his confidence and esteem came from the Lord. He had no need to defend himself as God was his defender. Through his actions and the actions of other great men and women of that era, racial barriers began to erode and both Jackie Robinson and Branch Rickie began to see the beginnings of racial reconciliation and healing in the nation. I pray that God will continue to allow me to learn how to “turn the other cheek” in the midst of conflict so that I can become more like the one I serve.
Matthew 5:38-48, “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you. You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”
I don't pretend to know you or your situation, but I've read a few of your blogs that were forwarded to me. I have a question I want to ask you and hope you are not offended by it. I, too, am in the middle of a divorce after 24 years. I filed over a year ago. I prayed 3 years before dating my spouse to make sure I had the right one. I have gone through adultery, porn, deception, finacial manipulation, rejection, and more. All during this continual abuse he will preach sermonettes to me on grace, forgiveness, etc - he will leave notes, put it on my daytimer, etc. He's involved in several Bible studies, jail Ministry and never skips a beat. He even gave out preaching tapes to the boys of the mom he was shacking up with for a year. All during that time he was involved in Promise Keepers and even flew out to WA to march with them while in adultery himself. We have had 16 years of counsel, 6 different states and 2 of those twice and at least 6 different pastors all centered around exposure to his core covenant violations. None of it has ever been applied. I thought I was doing what's beat for my boys (also in a private Christian school) by staying. God showed me they had been learning to live a double life as well. The Lord finally told me over a year ago "commit him to me, get out of the way. You are in the way. Its past time" I have suffered condemnation from the church, Christians, at the top of peoples prayer list. They have no idea the abuse I've been through - some do. I paint that broadbrush pic to share that even after all the hell I've been through if I had seen even a thread of true repentance, love, grace all that he preaches but doesn't practice at home, I would have crawled back on it. My question for you, with these revelations that you are sharing with others why hasn't it won the heart of your wife back? Not trying to be contentious - you may have been in a situation similar. I just have seen so many spouses(ex) - usually men- that have the preach going on (youth pastors, pastors, lay ministers) and they don't skip a beat as they march over the bloodied bodies of the ones they've annihilated within their own home onto save someone else. I'm not making fun. I've been saved since 3 and militant about my faith. Had some of the same attitudes you mentioned you have had. Needless to say - something like this does turn you inside out and upside down and some of those things that once shaped your views prior take on a new perspective. I read your blogs - they were forwarded to me and I'm not trying to add to your pain....believe me I get that is unbearable at times - but that question keeps resurfacing with me. Most women - from what I've met - will lay it all down - even to their detriment to save their family if there was even a hope of reconciliation.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous, I’ll attempt to comment on both parts of your post. First you asked "with all the things that I have posted why didn't it win my wife's heart back to me?" Honestly I can't answer that question as you are asking me to respond to something that is outside my control. One thing that I've had to come to the realization of is that I can't control someone else's feelings or decisions. Just like God gives us the "free will " choice to accept and love him or reject him--our spouses also have a "free will" pertaining to the marriage relationship. I know in my heart that I did everything within my power to try to reconcile. Despite the fact that the final result was not my desire I still make the choice to trust and follow Jesus. As for the comment that "most women will lay it all down even to their own detriment to save. Over the past year as I've spoken to many people about their experiences with divorce I've seen both husbands and wives that have fervently pursued reconciliation with their spouse yet still wound up divorced. I'm sorry for your experience. If things were as bleak as you stated I can't imagine the pain you went through. Unlike a majority of divorces between believers however--if your husband was in an adulterous affair you were “biblically justified” in seeking a divorce if that's how you were led. As to your comment about your husband living a double life--that is rampant in the Church. People justify all sorts of things to the point where they no longer feel any remorse. Whether its judgment, unforgiveness, pornography, gossiping, or adultery (both emotional affairs and sexual ones) people always seem to find ways to justify their sins. The fact that over 50 percent of all "Christian" marriages end in divorce is a testament to how our attitudes have changed dealing with covenant relationships. I just finished an awesome book by Craig Hill called "the power of a parents blessing" where the author, said when speaking about the proliferation of divorce within Christian circles, that "divorce presents marriage as a conditional contract based on works or performance. Thus divorce distorts the prophetic image of how Christ will treat us, his bride. Instead of being a grace based unconditional covenant, marriage is seen as a performance based, conditional contract in which the errant party can be thrown out and replaced with someone else who will perform more satisfactorily". Divorce for any other reason that the ones mentioned in the new testament are another justification for sin that Christians use and is not what God ever intended. Personally over the last two years I have come to a place in my life where I no longer allow myself the luxury of justifying sin. Whether "little sins" or "large ones" they all eventually sear our consciences and interfere with our ability to hear from God clearly. I'm at a place now where I'm either a Christ follower or I'm not. I have also chosen to surround myself with like minded people. I'm not saying that I (or anyone) won't ever stumble-I am saying that I'm in a place now where serving Jesus is the most important thing to me. -Brian
DeleteI hear what you are saying but cringe when you speak of your book. Covenant is a moral and legal obligation to protect both parties involved. It has conditions. That teaching you mentioned will keep abused spouses in abusive relationships. Many a pastors wife feels she has no way out and stuck even though treated so badly she wants to put a gun to her head daily....1 out of every 4 women
Deletelive in an abusive situation. There are conditions to
covenants. Even God gave Israel a writ of divorce
due to their refusal to repent. As far as the
prophetic message of Christ return...do you recall
the parable of the 10 virgins. All were looking for
Jesus return. Most of our churches dont even line
up with that aspect). All had the oil (at one time -
represents Holy Spirit) yet 5 ran out (not prepared)
- yet looking for His return. While they were away -
Jesus returns and though they begged him to let
them in He said "I never knew you". There is SO
much I could share regarding this and tried. 4,000
characters later had to start over - too wordy.
That's what you get for blogging with a speaker.
Bottomline: covenants are conditional. Bottomline:
Jesus has MUCH to say against that cheap grace
doctrine. Grace isn't free. It wasn't free for Jesus
and it is not free for us. He clearly says if you are
coming after me? Take up your cross. What's that
mean - die to your flesh. For he who holds onto
his life will lose it and he who lays it down will find
it. Conditional. He says those who are not willing
to leave all (mentions all kinds of relationships in
there) are not worthy of me. Conditional. I hear
what you're saying but strongly disagree with how
it sounds. Too many times whether it's the
unconditional love, grace, forgiveness, It is taught
like there is no boundaries to it. Like God is some
big grandpa in the sky winking at all our sins and
patting us on the butt as we skip off to do it again.
Read 2 Peter 2 (about not sparing even His
angels but cast them to hell) or Hebrews 6:1-8
(scariest verses never preached)....conditional.
Sure He loves us. Salvation is not earned but it is
conditional. Both thieves on the cross needed
Christ. One went to heaven because only one saw
his need and was repentant. Lord is returning for an unblemished bride and I know if we are relying on our own works - it doesn't work. It's His righteousness that must be applied to our life. However, He does say if you love me keep my commandments - conditional. This free for all false doctrine of covenants without conditions or boundaries - God doesn't even teach or do. In these last days - we have got to know the Word so well or we will be deceived. He said He had to shorten the days or even the very elect would fall. Theres so much more that could be said but I'll leave it at that - Now I'm sure you have got to be thankful to God for that merciful break ~ ha!
Dawn,
DeleteI would love to talk to you more in depth about this topic as I feel like we are in agreement on a lot of things. My personal email is muzikman7@sbcglobal.net. I don't know if you have read my most recent post yet? In it I was addressing your very point dealing with the issue of how often believers lives don't reflect the values that they espouse. I am sorry for the situation in your marriage. Like I had stated earlier--it sounds like you had done everything you could and were biblically justified in seeking your divorce. Infidelity in a marriage is unbearably painful and I'm sorry you went through that trauma. A close friend of mine was also previously the wife of an associate pastor at a large church and she had a similar situation occur in her marriage. She tried everything she could with the end result still being divorce. However, I still stand by the contention that a majority of the divorces that take place every year are unnecessary and could have been prevented. The current divorce rate among Christians is over 50%. The divorce rate with 2nd marriages is even higher. Are we really "happier" in our society now than in the 1950's when the divorce rate was almost non existent? I think everyone in the deepest part of their heart (myself included) desires that deep covenantal relationship as illustrated in the movie "the notebook." However, making a commitment to love your spouse "for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part." Seems to be an almost impossible accomplishment in our modern society. I feel like it is God's perfect will that believing couples walk through the hardship of marriage with a commitment both to Christ and each other. I have seen just as many husbands as wives who were abandoned by their spouses through either infidelity or divorce. And the victims aren't just the married couple--but the children of these couples as well. It says in Malachi 2:16 "For I hate divorce!" says the LORD, the God of Israel. "To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty," says the LORD of Heaven's Armies. "So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife." Dawn, I can tell you from first hand experience that divorce IS overwhelming cruelty and it is a wound that is hard to recover from for all involved. -Brian
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ReplyDeleteBrian thank you for this post and your statements. There are so many hurting deeply in this world. When we give our love to our mate and then in 50% of marriages it is crushed...deep hurts and wounds occur. Some take longer to heal than others.
ReplyDeleteAs far as forgiveness on the party was 'hurt' ---YES. If we want to be healed, be Christ like and be able to move forward we forgive.
If there is adultery, abuse ...I know the Word of God does support this. And you support this as well.
Your blog was so good in just sharing about forgiveness, holding on to and living up to a CHRIST LIKE spirit.
Thank you sir!
"If there is adultery, abuse ...I know the Word of God does support this. And you support this as well." --- Support the fact we are release from the 'contract' if we choose to be.
DeleteWhen I was married and how I teach my children, divorce is not an option; unless this happens.
My husband and I have been together for about five years. last month we got into an argument because i caught him cheating, i was heartbroken and i used to love him with all my heart, I was about to leave and asked him what’s on his agenda and he just ignored me. I got mad and cursed him out and left. He said that I am jealous and insecure which is a recurring theme in our arguments. i tried everything to repair our relationship but nothing came alright, luckily enough i was browsing on the internet and i saw testimony of clients who talked about Mr Robinson buckler and also i saw his email address robinsonbuckler@yahoo. com, i thought may be its also one of the scamming spell caster, but my heart was restless until i contacted him and i used his spell and it worked so nice, his spell made my husband to take me back as his wife, it also made my husband to love me more, anyone who want his or her lover back should contact robinsonbuckler or call him + 19715126745
ReplyDeleteI can't really believe that i am with my Ex-Husband after when he broke up with me with 4 kids i thank Dr EDOSA of (edosaspelltemple@gmail.com) for helping me getting back my man back, My Name is Jazmin Perez i am from England and my man name is Mr Perez Cole, my happiness turn to bitterness,my joy turn to sorrow,my love turn to hate when my husband broke up with me last week,i was so frustrated and i could not know what next to do again, i was so unthinkable and i could not concentrate any more, i love my husband so much but he was cheating on me with another woman and this makes him broke up with me so that he can be able to get marry to the other lady and this lady i think cast a spell on my husband to make him hate me and my kids and this was so critical and uncalled-for,I cry all day and night for God to send me a helped to get back my man until i went to Westmoreland to see a friend and who was having the same problem with me but she latter got her Husband back and i asked her how she was able to get her husband back and she told me that their was a powerful spell caster in Africa name DR EDOSA that her help with love spell in getting back lost lover's back and i decided to contacted the same Dr EDOSA and he told me what is needed to be done for me to have my man back and i did it although i doubted it but i did it and the Dr told me that i will get the result after 24hours, and he told me that my husband was going to call me by 9pm in my time and i still doubted his word, to my surprise my husband really called me and told me that he miss me so much Oh My God i was so happy, and today i am happily with my man again and we are joyfully living together as one good family and i thank the powerful spell caster Dr EDOSA of (edosaspelltemple@gmail.com), he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that good spell casters still exist and Dr EDOSA is one of the good spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are there and your lover is turning you down, or you have your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore contact the powerful spell caster Dr EDOSA on his email: (edosaspelltemple@gmail.com) and he will answer you, i am a living testimony and i will continue to testify of his goodness in my family,he turn my family to paradise and today we are all happy together Dr EDOSA i say thank you in one million times thanks Dr..
ReplyDeleteGood day.I just want to use this means to talk about a good news to the entire world on how i got my husband back.I was going crazy, mad and confuse. when my husband left me for another woman last month,But when i met a friend that introduce me to High priest ozigididon the great messenger to the oracle that he serve,I narrated my problem to High priest ozigididon about how my ex love left me and also how i needed to get a job in a dream company.He only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without any side effect.He told me what i need to do,After it was been done,In the next 24 hours, My ex called me on the phone and was saying sorry for living me before now, my lovely husband called me to be pleading for forgiveness,I was called for interview in the company were i needed to work as a senior officer..I am so happy and overwhelmed that i have to tell this to the entire world to contact His highness High priest ozigididon at the following email address and get all your problem solve..No problem is too big for him to solve..Contact him direct on: highpriestoziigididon@gmail.com and get your problems solve like me.
ReplyDeleteTo the last 3 people that commented on this post,
ReplyDeleteIf you are a real individual and not someone using a fake account to advertise casting spells--and you had to resort to using witchcraft or spell casting to rekindle a broken relationship then I feel sorry for you. Relationships should be based on mutual love and affection not on spiritual manipulation. Even "if" your posts are true--how long till you need another spell to keep your husband/wife in line? I encourage you to seek God's heart and discover what "real" love looks like. Jesus loves you so much that he gave up his life so that you can live eternally with your heavenly father. Despite that fact though--he still leaves that decision up to you on whether you want to be in a relationship with him. No spell casting there.
I want to share a very wonderful testimony about Dr.Samur the spell caster who help me get my ex back when he left me for another lady, i contacted so many spell caster but non could help me bring him back until i contacted Dr.Samur and explain everything to him, he told me not to worry cause i am going to get him back in 3 days with love-spell, power of his gods and forefathers, i trusted in him and did everything he ask me to do, i hopefully wait for the result to my greatest surprise my ex called me and apologize for the pains he has cause me,now we are both happy together and even more in love than before, if you are out there and you are looking for a solution to any problem kindly contact Dr.Samur through his email address on: drsamuraspellcaster@hotmail.com
ReplyDelete
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